To post or not to post, to whine or to simper

There have been a couple of little things worth mentioning in a blog. They were kind of funny but not worth turning myself into someone who only observes and comments on the negative. Have you ever felt like that? Like you just don't want to be one more person complaining about one more thing? It's a delicate balance, those people who just have to find something positive to say or only talk about how sweet and wonderful everything is feel just as skewed to me. I think we have all read those blog posts that make you want to make wretching vomity noises as we roll our eyes, or am I the only one? There is a blog that I enjoy reading on which the author just talks about her regular day and accidentily inspires me to be better without even realizing it. I love that kind of reality, the accidental kind.

So often we are so rushed to get to the next appointment, the next class, finish the next assignment, get whatsit done by whosit's deadline that I think we forget to even notice reality. I wonder if that is why the negative stuff is so much easier to notice. The little positive things that happen all around us get trampled or lost in the background of a shouting rushing frenetic pace we all have taught ourselves to call normal. And then we force ourselves to count our blessings like we have been taught to do, but it comes off as fake or insincere because we didn't notice the blessings as we were running hither or thither and had to go back and ponder and contemplate to be able to count them.

I know we all can count our blessings and I am not saying we are ungrateful, but I bet that most people could list off ten things, people or situations that bugged them, made them sad, or got their blood boiling faster than they could rattle off 10 little things that happened in the last couple of days that made them smile. But I wonder how many people feel they could never actually state that something bugged them because they feel too pressured into being perfect all of the time.

I took some mental health days off of church this last month. I know, shocked gasps of finger pointing damnation right? I'm just trying to put my keyboard where my mouth is here as I pratt on about honesty. I shouldn't be that honest, I mean someone might actually read this and know that I actually made the naughty decision, and really enjoyed lounging around at home. And you know what, my car is dirty too, and our house is clean in the living room, but the bedroom is a wreck.

I had a deep conversation with a buddy of mine about what is real and what we are taught to say is real. I wonder how much pressure we put on ouselves unnecessarily. And again, to be honest, I totally had to look up how to spell unnecassirily.

Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I've been walking too willingly under my own little rain cloud during the last month.

Last night Greydon coughed himself awake and didn't want to fall back asleep. When I picked him up out of his crib he nuzzled my neck. I Smiled. But then he was still a little restless so I took him to Kristen and he snuggled right in with her perfectly content. It was touching. Smile.