BLecghk - no eloquent way to put it

I just feel bad.... It's one in the morning so I should be going to bed... it's Monday tomorrow... I love my job but I'm completely anxious about tomorrow for absolutely no reason.

 I tried to do projects over the weekend for which I have absolutely no skill set... and it went poorly... I am in my head too much and am telling myself that it means I have no friends and am all alone because if I had friends or family I'd be playing around with projects with someone instead of all by myself and surely SOMEONE would know how to make the air compressor have more than 20 psi and how to make the new paint gun actually expel paint... But.. nope... I'm letting it all fester... and crap...

 You know when you are typing and think.. huh... this really isn't something to share publicly... because that's what we do.. we put on smiley faces and act like everything is fine... well.. that's not true either because there are a lot of people complaining out there... so what do I know...

 I just feel bad... I said that right?

 I have too many ideas... does everybody have all of these ideas and voices in their head? Some of them are "wouldn't it be cool" ideas... clearly there are other voices in there also... I am so scatter brained.

 Ok, my next paragraph even annoyed me and I was the one writing it.

 I played around with a kids book idea.. there is one stanza that I can't get right. I thought I got it right but realized before the publishing company I sent it to declined that it still sounded wrong... forced.

 Apparently it is the best idea to send the book to the publisher without artwork, because if you are the one in a million they say yes to they want to use their own illustrators. So, I got over that road block by not needing an illustrator after all and sent out the transcript to a few places... one of which responded...

I need to fix the stanza... and then send it out some more.

 If I were to go with a self publishing route I'd need to find some way to illustrate beyond my talent level and make it look intentional. I'm trying to decide if my goal is to have it done or to be published... I'm not sure.

 A different writing project happened by accident. I know I don't have the stamina to write a novel... I can't finish changing a light bulb without losing focus... but I like speaking to writers about writery things. (well it should be a word) Character motivation, development of cultural background in a fictitious setting, things like that.

 G likes me to tell him stories. He likes it as we quiet down for bed. I am making them up on the spot and they certainly aren't Whitman but I mentioned glass boats once. Then a while later wrote a short blurb about how they came about.. then wrote a little more like the beginning to a running short story. 

There are so many genius level people out there who are far ahead of me. But I find it interesting that our definition of literature is still focused largely on the concept of the word book. A covered grouping of pages.. clearly there is other literature, but not wanting to write a book doesn't mean I don't have to write something fictional. I'm thinking about another blog because they are free and tech friendly. I could post a blurb every week or so from my story about glass boats and the world they exist in. I'm not sure how I feel about promoting it though to friends or the acquaintances on Facebook and such.... feels presumptuous and a little needy... we've all read someone's stuff that wasn't great haven't we? I don't know.....

 So, in summary... blecghk... the desk is still partially sanded now with a gouge in it but no cut out because a dremel tool isn't easy... the paint gun might be clogged with paint that the air compressor isn't strong enough to blow out and "chilled gauspatcho"(sp?) paint is drying in a puddle because I figured the orange blob spill would be easier to peel up than wipe up. The house is still a wreck because when I wasn't in the conference all Saturday I was trying to paint an old desk orange.. and failed... and something stinks in the refrigerator... and this blog is whiney long and pointless... but I'll probably hit publish anyway because who wants to type all of this just to delete it... I don't think I have a moral to this story... if you have a friend go offer to go to a movie or something... people need friends.