37 Kristenisms... by Calvin

Here are 37 things you can learn from Kristen.

1.) Straight hair is boring

2.) short girls look weak, Hey, the top of your head isn't that interesting, buy some taller shoes

3.blonde girls look anemic

4.) who would want a girl who is good expressing herself, blah blah yadda yadda, I get it, you have feelings, why can't you just bottle them up like the rest of us?

5.) I laugh at those schmucks who have wives who enjoy shopping, no annoying waiting around for me, 15 minutes and we're done

6.) crying? There's no crying in baseball! No worries here.

7.) it's called food, try some, it's what it's made for

8.) Books, they're for reading, how can some people not like reading, I don't get it

9.) If it rains, you get in a blanket, sit in front of a window, maybe add some hot chocolate, that's what rains is made for

10.) They actually make size "A"? why bother

11.) No, you don't always do what the other one wants, it's called compromising and it's a two way street, it's a pretty good neighborhood to live in.

12.) It's called laughing, it can even involve a loss of breath and maybe a snort... it's liberating, you should try it

13.) a phone number we only used once last month? no problem, no phone book required

14.) plants schmants, if you need greenery go outside, if you want a dried up brown trig in a pot come on over

15.) walks, take my hand, have a conversation, spend some time together, it's great

16.) flowers were meant for plants, not wallpaper

17.) If you can get ready in 15 minutes you're not trying hard enough

18.) Meatloaf and chocolate chip cookies should be required skill acquisitions , life wouldn't be the same without them

19.) take a painting class, paint a morphed pink lilly thing, call it good, move on

20.) Kitchens, they were made for dancing

21.) There is awake, there is asleep, the travel time between doesn't need to be all drawn out

22.) Where are you going? Then let's get there, none of this wandering to and fro stuff

23.) speak up, I can't hear you

24.) If you go to a reunion the songs are supposed to be weird and make no sense

25.) It's our nations history, how can you not care about it passionately?

26.) Adventerous schmedventurous, if you can hop on a jet ski without dunking yourself in freezing Bear Lake a few times you just aren't an entertainer

27.) Hello! They're called STING rays, WATCH OUT!

28.) You might say the horse is just coming over to say hi, but that thing is huge and not much of a communicator and there's a perfectly good fence I can climb back over, you do the math

29.) feet are gross

30.) If you insist on taking someone's picture, why just sit there like a bump on a log, anyone can do that

31.) Hey look a sudoku puzzle... DONE, hey look another one ... DONE, hey look... DONE... Hey... DONE DONE done

32.) Just sound it out, why do people think spelling so difficult?

33.) Ask me any state's slogan, capital, order it entered into the union, no problem

34.) oooh, sparkely

35.) cheese is meant for eating, store it in the refrigerator, not your blog

36.) MOVE IT, I'm driving here!

37.) My son, back off

Happy Birthday Baby