Mirrors and camels

I wasn't sure how this post was going to turn out earlier in the day. I've gone from calm relaxation to being just plain annoyed, to afraid, to depressed, back to faking relaxation.

First of all, Aunt Karen already got all of his little blankets done, I'm not sure how that's possible but we picked them up last night, she even washed them in Dreft for us!

Here are some pics of the blanket that we are using to cover the little isolette, tomorrow is his next bath day, which is when they change his linens, so we'll get another pic then.



The pattern is a red on cream nursery rhyme toille flannel, so cute. (Don't worry more manly macho linens to come)


I think this is the first time we've seen anything like this....(well, specifically like THIS!)


This morning we were talking to the doctor who was on for that shift. This man couldn't be any more relaxed without slipping into a coma. Everything was good. Greydon's belly went down another centimeter, it was soft and not bloated. His morning x-ray continued to be hazy and they are still not liking how hard he is breathing, so they prescribed a diaretic, and electrolytes to make up for the fluids he would be losing. Because they were going to give him 4 ml of milk the doctor listed on orders to put the medications in through the same tube with the milk. The nurse (Shelly, who we love, but is going on 3 weeks vacation) thought it would be better to put the meds through his IV's and let his belly just try to handle the milk only, since that has been proving a challenge. The doctor disagreed and wouldn't change his mind, another doctor wouldn't over-ride him, and Shelly bugged him again, and he said the meds won't cause a problem.

As we were getting around to go back after church and choir and stuff, we get another update. The feeding did not go well, his belly distended very much very fast, nothing being digested nor absorbed. They check what's in the belly by pulling it back out through the feeding tube all the time. He was very swollen and almost all of the milk and meds were still in there, bad sign. They took him back of feedings.

We also found out that his breathing was getting more labored and they had to turn up the pressure on his c-pap to help him more. That's new, even though he's been working hard, he hasn't needed the help of the machines much.

During the shift change Shelly and the night nurse teamed up on the next doctor on duty and got him to agree to try feedings without the meds since obviously it didn't work the first time. They skipped a feeding, I am writing this in the middle of the night, I just called and they gave him just milk, no meds, a minute ago. We'll see tomorrow how he handles it.

When we walked in tonight, I saw they just didn't raise the pressure on his c-pap. they raised it a lot! Inside I felt a little straw snap the spine of someone's disheveled camel. Greydon is getting worn out. His respiratory rate was pretty high. He lost weight from not eating, and I started to lose my composure a little.

Sometimes that means I get grumpy, but that is just a coping mechanism I was beyond, so tonight you might have seen a tear in one corner of my eye. We had visitors, so I made myself hold it together. I think they could tell I wasn't exactly bubbly and calm. It was great they were there, and some prayers were answered, and I won't go into specifics.

Kristen got to hold him, which she truly needed. She had been emotional earlier, and by the time we were there talking to the professionals and things were getting better she was able to relax. I had ben stressed out, and our talks with the professionals just served as an out of tune crescendo, a wave's crest to an oscillating day.

Jay and Lori visit as Kristen get's the hand-off, Angela, Rob and Diane got to come in a little later.




This weekend is his two week birthday.... It's not like this is almost over.

Everyone keeps telling us how great his chances are, sharing their personal success stories and giving us strength to lean on, but sometimes I just want to stomp and scream, throw a little tantrum and make huge flailing pointing gestures and say over and over "LOOK" "How can you be so calm?!"

I've found that Elder's Quorum is not always the best place for me while in the midst of a stressful week.... but they have offered to have a couple of guys come over on Tuesday to help me move some things around that I just can't do myself.... it's nice that Heavenly Father watches out for us in so many ways.

I offered someone a ride in the rain today... I love the rain... have I mentioned that? :).... I think I got to offer that ride and do something a little nice for someone to help me hold it together a little. That might not make a lot of sense, but maybe it does.

The best mirror ever.