The Farce that I Call Reality

Overheard from the back seat

2012-01-15T12:30:00.002-07:00

Our new sunbeam came out of class with a couple of cut outs, one of Heavenly Father and Jesus and one of Joseph Smith praying in the woods. Greydon was making Heavenly Father and Jesus talk to Joseph Smith.

Heavenly Father: We have good news and bad news.

Joseph Smith: What's the good news?

Heavenly Father: We're glad you are here.

Joseph Smith: What's the bad news?

Heavenly Father: You're lost in a forest.

Names

2011-11-22T21:52:00.003-07:00

The counseling center asked us to submit some names of some students who might need a little help this Christmas. They act as a go between when services offer to help out during the holiday season. There is no way that they will have enough to help everyone though. I was sitting in front of my advisory class (homeroom) when I first read the email. My eyes instantly fell on Dakota.

Dakota came the other day dressed in shirt and tie. He is a seventh grader on the JV basketball team, so they dress up on game days. He came yesterday and asked to store his bag in my room again, but he wasn't dressed up this time. I always compliment nice outfits, so I asked why he didn't dress up this time. He shyly admitted that he only had one nice outfit and didn't want to be caught wearing the same thing twice. He had brought one piece of the outfit, but it hadn't been washed, so he left it in his bag.
We just got done having a school food drive, the food was to be donated during advisory. While talking about why it might be good to participate I asked my students to raise their hands if they knew anyone who had benefited from the food bank's services. I figure a few would raise their hand, I was humbled that about 3/4ths of them raised their hand. Dakota raised his hand, and accidentally said out loud that his family went there. He acted kind of embarrassed after he said it so I moved on. But my class got it. They didn't win, but they came in second in my hall, my little group of 20 or so impoverished 7th graders brought in 122 cans of food.

Josh

Next period I was helping Josh catch up on an old assignment. I hate "faking it", when we write letters, we actually write letters. So far we have written to parents (some sad awesome letters there), letters to administration, to active marines, this letter was supposed to be to a company of their choosing that they liked. Josh is a great student, does perfect on everything, so I was surprised when he was having such a huge block understanding this simple part of the directions. Choose a company, any company, try to find their address and write them any kind of letter. I kept tying to ask different questions about his habits and preferences trying to help him choose a company to look up online. I started to get it eventually, he had absolutely no concept of buying something. He couldn't choose his favorite brand of something because he didn't have anything. He couldn't imagine having a lot of money to spend on something to even fantasize, it was too outside of his reality. Eventually he chose Sony because a friend had just showed him a piece of Sony equipment that he had gotten. There wasn't another student right next to us and it was a conversational moment, I also wanted to get past his embarrassment. He's a smart kid and new I was figuring out his reality. So I just asked him. We have a good rapport already and he was very open. He said things were pretty rough. There are five kids at home, he is the second oldest. His mom is sick with diabetes and can't do much and last year his dad lost his job. They only ever shop at DI and he tries to block it all out, he says he tries not to think about it, it's more than he can handle. I talked about my own childhood. I understand being the kid without the brands and the labels. I understand shopping at the stores that you don't tell your friends about. When he heard me say that, you could see something relax. You could see him realize that he wasn't some freak. Hugs are a generally not such a good idea, so I settled for a shoulder pat, then sent another email to the counseling office.

Mat

During the next period I was working with Mat one on one for a minute. I already know that his dad died a few years ago and that he got taken away from his mom because she is an addict. He was given to his older sister who frequently breaks down and tells him how sorry she is she can't do better for him, which just makes him feel worse. They live with her boyfriend in another family's house because they can't afford a place to stay. Shocker he has anger management issues and some piercings. He had a knew black eye, we talked about that for a minute.
I sent another email.

Aleisha sits near my desk.
Aleisha is changing her name right now, she wants to be called Kiersten.... I'm guessing it has something to do with her dad dying last year... I sent another email.

Booyah

2011-11-22T21:24:00.003-07:00

Seth

I'm not sure how to describe Seth. He has some definite rough edges. Last year he wrote the F word and a few other choice words on some papers that were posted in the room just to get a reaction. He has a shaved head, speaks kind of slow, probably lives in not so nice of a house if I had to guess, barely scrapes by in school most of the time, gets some special ed services, not exactly an over-achiever. After last year's incident I kept the class after the bell had rung and explained why I was so upset. Student's work had been defaced, many students had to look at really foul language, I felt disrespected, etc etc. I explained that I would like some one to admit to it, but no one did. I had a few people express who they thought it was privately. I spoke to two suspects the next day. My first choice was actually innocent so I had to apologize for being wrong later. When I told Seth his name was given to me I think his exact words were "I... can't.... deny that." I asked if he understood why I was disappointed, he quietly said yes, turned a dark red. I said "ok" and walked away. I could tell he got it, I didn't need to prove I was all bad and bossy by "punishing" him. The learning moment had already happened. We've had a great relationship ever since. He even took another one of my classes this year.

Seth is certainly not a person who is comfortable in school, nor is he an over achiever. As I unlocked my door early the morning before Veteran's Day I was surprised to find him waiting outside my door. He asked if he could talk to me and brought in a big ol' backpack. He told me that it was the day before the Marine Corp's birthday and had thought it would be cool to put up a display in my room. (I'm getting really good at not acting shocked when it counts). He knew everything about the Corp, including their very early history including years and dates, I was amazed. His grandfather had been in the corp, his brother had just shipped off to the Middle East that month and he hoped to enlist as soon as he was old enough. He started pulling out all sorts of Corp issue uniforms, bags, equipment, boots. We worked together and made a pretty cool display on my back conference table. I printed off some signs that included some dates, some insignias, as well as a sign that said "display courtesy of..... and his full name." Throughout the rest of the day he brought in various people and showed off the display, I had never seen him be so out going and conversational once in the last two years. He did tons of work, and it had nothing to do with a grade.

I was flattered that he trusted me enough to know that I would respect his efforts, I don't think he has a very good relationship with more than a few teachers. I was also reminded how we all have our things that matter, and things that don't matter so much. It was a good day. I even think he smiled a couple of times, but just barely.

Amy's Wedding Pics

2011-11-20T01:28:00.002-07:00

OKOK I just realized that photobucket can't do a slideshow big enough to show all of the pics, the best ones aren't in here at all. Click on the link and go look at the full album for the ceremony with Elvis and her beautiful bridal pics.

Hamsters?

2011-11-06T14:36:00.002-07:00

The other day Greydon played a song for me on the piano of his own composition, he's 3. He played it again later and it actually sounded pretty similar, I was pretty impressed. The lyrics went something like "the stars at dark bring dreams." Genius

Today while laying down for a nap we sang to each other. One of his songs was still about stars, and the moon, which wasn't glowing like the stars, because it was made of cheese, and then we went home... and when we both started giggling when he sang the line about the cage of hamsters.

I love snuggling nose to nose while we chat and sing.

Thank you

2011-10-22T17:23:00.003-06:00

If you have ever created a single work I want to thank you for the likely unintentional yet none the less significant side effect of having increased my testimony as to the divinity of mankind by borrowing a sliver of omnipotence to present, to bring to the light, to hold aloft for all to see what was previously not there.

And spin and spin, leg up and bow

2011-10-15T23:22:00.002-06:00

I was jealous of my son tonight as he ran around and free danced to the wonderful music. He didn't know to be embarrassed or shy about the fact that he was in public. First a jazz singer and later a violinist inspired movement in everyone under 3 feet tall. When do we learn to be ashamed of ourselves? When do we start to assume we aren't good enough? How much energy do we waste deciding when to spin in circles to the music and when to sit on the side wall?\

Neon greatness

2011-10-09T20:16:00.002-06:00

I think all of us have potential for greatness. It is inborn, it bubbles inside all of us, kind of like radioactive foggy glowing neon super-Sprite, at least that's how I
picture it. Just like carbonation the pressure builds up when life shakes us around.

You've felt it right? When something cool moves us, or something bad shakes us, the pressure builds up and something has to give. We twist off our cap just a little, opening up, and you can hear the hiss, you can see it sometimes as the pressure whooshes out of us. How big the woosh is depends on how far we twist that cap off.

Some of us are better at opening ourselves, and some of us seem to always stay all bottled up. When the cap is opened up far enough that greatness sprays all over the place, if you are close to it you can't help but get it on you. We see photographs, hear songs, read moving words, watch films that change us, see an athlete make an amazing play, marvel at technological inventions, watch someone embrace another, laugh, or cry, all because someone opened up and let out a little of that greatness.

We all get shaken, we are human and existence moves us. Sometimes we just let the pressure die. We sit around, wasting the opportunity, and the bubbles fizz back out until something else shakes us back up. But I think more often we just let the fizz out a little at a time. We find ways to minimalize our humanity. We shout at the stranger driving too close to the yellow line like they have mortally offended us, we roll our eyes when someone different from us has the gall to invade our personal sphere, we put our efforts into existing, instead of living.

It's not all bad to let off a little neon super steam, it keeps us sane. We laugh with friends, play a video game like the result actually matters, worry about who is wearing red or who is wearing blue either in a football game or in the hood. And, often, we come up with funny one liners about life, text them to our buddies, facebook them for friends, read theirs as they do the same, as they slowly let that super neon greatness seep out a little at a time.

I just got done with a suggested break from Facebook. I don't think Facebook is evil. I think actually that it is one of those amazing moments of greatness that someone let out when they opened themselves up to it. It wasn't kept bottled up as some idea in a notebook or a computer lab. It wooshed out of somewhere.

I'm not sure how much super neon radioactive greatness I have in me. Most of us assume we don't have very much. But as life moves me, shakes me around and gets those bubbles all excited, pressure building... what would happen if I opened myself up a little more. What if I twisted that cap all of the way off instead of always coming up with little one liners for my Facebook friends.

I like Facebook, I like letting off a little steam. I like socializing with great people I've had the fortune to know throughout various times in my life. But I haven't painted for a long time now, I haven't been on any photo shoots lately, I have a half finished screenplay in a drawer, I have poorly written songs floating around in my brain, I have great ideas for huge lessons for my students... but I'm not sure I have enough foggy neon carbonation... so I might need to conserve here and there.

This probably makes little to no sense. I just don't want to exist, I don't want to "get through it". I want to wallow in sticky greatness. I want to be near it when others open themselves up and share themselves with the world. I don't want to get dusty on a shelf, letting my bubbles fizzle out. And I don't want to only open my cap a tiny bit at a time, always letting enough pressure out that I am never motivated to do something big.

Those are my thoughts, weird philosophical nonsensical neon super Sprite thoughts about my time off of Facebook. I'll still be around... but maybe a little less.

Fizz on...

Compartments

2011-10-09T17:36:00.004-06:00

The other day I was driving to work. I commute for 45 minutes or so. Typically I ride with Matt a few days per week, but on the day in question we had different schedules after school. I got on the freeway and almost instantly got into a traffic jam. I quickly texted Matt and suggested he choose a different route. While I was starting to grouse in my head about the horrible painful mind numbing slow pace we were traveling Matt texted back. He was going a different way as per my suggestion but had heard on the radio what had happened to cause the traffic jam. It's hard to continue to grouse, or huff or puff about driving somewhere slow when you find out a man got hit by a dump truck. A construction worker who was picking up those barrier barrels after the night's work on the road got ran into. He was listed in serious condition. I got to work not even that late and everything was fine... for me.

The traffic I am talking about was down by where I live, nowhere near where I teach. I didn't connect any dots at all when an email came from the counseling office asking for homework for a student (name withheld) whose father had been in an accident and was in the hospital. She didn't come to school the next couple of days.

I have to wonder if I am the only one who lives my love so compartmentalized. It will sound obvious to you that these two events are connected, but I didn't even think of making that connection at the time.

Two days ago, Friday, that same girl came to my room with her grandma, asking for homework for the next few days too. I had learned about the connection by now, and knew that her dad had died that morning.

I pulled up my Google calendar and let her know what had been covered and what would be next. But I stopped myself in the middle of explaining one of the assignments and said, "You know what, none of this is that important. Just take care of you." "If you need something to think about, go ahead and look over formulas and equations in Excel, but I'm gonna pretty much just give you an A when you get back."

I had a dad die of another student last year also. I've been teaching for five seconds and I've already had to develop a policy about what happens when your parent dies! It makes sense, I have hundreds of students at any given time, so of course, bad things are going to happen. I hope that I will not over compartmentalize my humanity. I hope that I can always say.. "You know what, just take care of you first."

Martin

2011-09-10T13:54:00.003-06:00

I went down to the health teacher to ask a few questions. We determined since it was just his personal experience and he wasn't trying to exaggerate or entertain it was perfectly acceptable for Martin's personal PowerPoint to talk about his family member's cocaine addiction, his Grandfather being shot and killed and his cousin who was raped by the uncle, apparently she will be having the baby next month. Martin amazes me. He has the swagger of a banger, but he says he isn't. He admits that people in his family are, and that they have tried to recruit him. He is my fastest typist still. Even though he sits in the middle of a group of friends who are less than hard workers, he is always on track, a little behind sometimes, but not by much. I rearranged some of my seating charts last week. At the beginning of the year I let the kids first choose their own seats and give them a chance to be successful next to their buddies and friends. Most of everyone is doing great, but a few tweaks seemed like a good idea. I tried to avoid completely re-doing all of the charts, making everyone miserable, just wanted to move a few people enough to let them know I think they could do better. I made sure to let them know my thoughts on the matter as I shifted this person and that. I only had one corner of guys in one class I completely rearranged, and I made sure to leave them close enough to a friend that they could chat now and again. I left one girl where she was but moved away the boy she was flirting with so they both could get more done. They admitted begrudgingly that I had a point. I didn't move Martin, he is the best thing that group of friends could have. He keeps them informed and is a great example. But I just found out he is moving on the 20th. He is going to move in with his sister because her kids are not doing very well. They live on an Army base in Germany and the kids need more discipline. So Martin, the 9th grader, will be the solution apparently. I wish he could just have more time to concentrate on himself first, on just being a kid. He says he is going to join the army as soon as he can.

Good luck Martin, I'll be thinking of you.

"Whole"

2011-08-27T15:47:00.004-06:00

Seventh grader Jonah came late to class. He told me he has pins and bolts in both ankles and plates in both knees. He walks a little slow and it tires him out. Sometime this year they are going to get taken out and he will be on crutches for a while. I don't know the whole story yet, but I do know he was born with pretty messed up legs. He implied there were other things also. "I have lots of problems." It made me a little sad that he said that so readily. I spoke with the counseling office and got him a special pass approved that lets him get out of class early and to be a little late, so he can take his time, our school is really big with long hallways and lots of stairs. He is a very timid little guy, but we are going to encourage him to actually use it. I sent an email home introducing myself and offering to help in any way.. kind of surprised I haven't heard back yet.

Ninth grader Wesley asked to leave class to get a drink, to which I always say "no", or no one would stay in their classes, he informed he that he had a medical pass that let him get out of class for drinks and going to the rest room when ever he wants... "I have cancer". But something just felt a little off. I asked around a little and found out he has had brain surgeries sometime in the last 3 years, and that he uses that special pass almost constantly, mainly just because he can. Now, in the scheme of life, if this kid dies in the next couple of years, by all means, pee and drink as much as you want. But at some point we need to look at helping him to own his own choices. The next day he showed me his newly printed pass. I asked him, very kindly, about his cancer, that I didn't know it caused more water breaks or bathroom breaks. I still don't know if cancer does or not, but it was pretty obvious that Wesley doesn't think it does, and stuttered and stumbled as he tried to come up with a good reason to wander instead of being in class. I asked him to do me a favor, and to just use it for what it was meant for and to not use it to have free reign of the school. He got a little grin on his face and said ok. The next day he used it to go get a drink, I wasn't in the middle of a lecture, so I didn't give him a hard time.

I have another student with some sort of disease in his ankles that feels like he is being stabbed every step he takes. He is doing his first power point on it.

So much we take for granted.

Getting Philosophical

2011-08-24T23:57:00.005-06:00

I have some great kids. In advisory with the little seventh graders we talked on day two and three about the funny screw ups they were experiencing, so they would realize they weren't alone. It was fun to laugh with them. You could see the relief on their faces when about half of them raised their hand when I asked who had gone to the wrong class at least once. The scared girl from the first day laughed with us as she talked about tripping on the stairs, luckily she is ok. Now if they would start bringing their own books for self-sustained daily reading time we would be set. They can borrow my extra books for now.

To be honest I love my ninth graders more than my sevies. I love speaking to teens like they are actually human, and not "eeewww, teenagers". It totally throws them off their game, they are not used to it. The first days I try to avoid boring them to death with rules, just the basics. I don't really have a lot of "rules" I like to call them philosophies that direct how things should go. I have three main philosophies that I have posted in large vinyl lettering around my room.

"Never Just Another" - They are not "just another student" nothing is ever "just another assignment" It is about owning the day and their work, that we all are always making choices, and we don't have to fly on auto pilot.

"Only accept equality" - This controls the way we talk to each other, teacher to student, student to student etc etc. They are encouraged to have their own opinions, they just need to respect the opinions of everyone. I have to respect their experiences, I can't know what it is like to be them. If they can solve an assignment by putting a little different spin on it, that is fine. The way my brain works doesn't mean it is the way theirs functions best.

"Be listenable" - Has nothing to do with listening. It is about not giving someone an excuse to ignore what you want to communicate. It is about communicating in a way that makes one able to be listened to... if that makes any sense. It is sad how programmed they are, how accustomed they are to being told to sit down and be quiet. The idea of being "heard" makes them very quiet and really hits home. It is sad how normal it is for them to feel ignored.

There are also disclosures and procedures that we gloss over. Those are also all posted on the class website and I made sure to get all of the classes talking on the class blog. I let the few "this is boring" comments come through to prove I was willing to listen to opinions. But my ego survived since the positive comments were more numerous... I think the music I was playing got me a few positive comments also.

First day of School

2011-08-22T21:42:00.002-06:00

NO, not Greydon's, though we think he is ready for a mini preschool experience later this school year.

Teachers at my school started last Monday and students came full time starting today. My first group of students were 7th graders for my homeroom. It was cute they were all scared and quiet to be in junior high. We talked about how everyone is scared but some just hide it better than others. I had everyone stand up and say something about themselves as we started to create our "safe environment". Everyone needs someplace that they know is safe, where they can screw up without being mocked, trip and get up and laugh with friends instead of enduring pointing fingers. I loved that one of the students actually said "My name is so and so and I am really scared." I had everyone applaud her for her honesty, it was great. We all, her included, had a good chuckle.

Daddy Nerd post alert... just blabbing about how cool my kid is

2011-08-05T22:24:00.004-06:00

I was just reading old Blog posts.. it is amazing how fast those old posts seem to be about someone so much younger than my little man.

We went to the doctor the other day for his three year old check up. He passed the 4 yr old vision test (whew) and is officially doing great. He is in the 70 percentile for height, but only in the teens for weight, so his BMI is 0.00 something, if BMI could be negative I think it would have been. But he is healthy, just tall and skinny (I'm a little jealous). I love how well his mind works. He knows doctors, he doesn't like doctors or hospitals, he knows all too well. While back in Michigan in fact we went to the hospital to visit my cousin's newborn preemie. While we were walking through the parking garage someone mentioned "this way to the hospital" and he stopped dead in his tracks, got a panicked look on his face and had too many things to say to get them out all at once. I got to kneel down next to him and simply explain exactly what was going on. And he got it, he was fine, had a good ol' time.

This time he didn't want to go to the doctor, and we explained that we had to anyway. We explained that we got to go thank the nice doctor who helped us so much when he was born, etc. While we were there the doctor started to play games with his stethoscope he has developed over the years so kids wouldn't be scared. But Greydon knew what it was, ("tedacope") what it did, wasn't bothered at all. He opened his mouth, showed his eyes and his ears, all very mature and so brave. We made sure to not promise "no shots", good thing. At the last second they had one on the list.. dangit.

I took him in my lap, and decided to be honest again. I told him that we had to have a shot, that they were going to poke him, that it was going to hurt, and that he was going to cry, but that it was medicine to keep him healthy. And he said ok, and moved his leg over to the nurse so she could prep it.. so awesome. Now, he cried big time, I wont lie, it shocked him as it hurt him so much, which just sucks. But pretty quick we were able to tell him how great he did and he got pretty interested in his cool new blue camo band aid. Later we called Grandma B and he told her that he went to the doctor and was brave and cried. It was so cute. He was fascinated that Kristen and I both talked about crying sometimes too, especially when we get hurt, or poked.

(why yes, I am rambling.)

Earlier I mentioned singing and dancing.. dang, it just keeps getting better, and I'm sorry if I sound silly, but he is actually pretty darn good. We love "So You Think You Can Dance." He does some jumping around of course, but he changes it up, mimics the movement, knows that slow songs have big slow movements, fast songs don't, swings involve kicking your feet a lot, hip hop.. looks like hip hop, really!, even with the crossed arms on the chest thing. He wants us to dance right next to and with him, he normallyhates being held upside down, unless it is part of a dance move, I picked him up last night and did a spinny lift, and he held his legs in this really cool artsy back bend thing, it was great. We are totally signing him up for a dance class that starts this fall, he's going to LOVE IT!

Good day; embrace the understatement.

2011-07-26T20:03:00.004-06:00

3 years ago today, after waiting 12 years for a baby, my 6 month pregnant wife stopped by her OB/GYN because she was feeling a little funny. 3 months later we left the NICU festooned with oxygen tanks and heart monitors. Today my perfect son laughed and giggled leapt and played, and my heart did the same.

Conversations that happen when I run out of hair goo.

2011-06-28T23:43:00.002-06:00

"Daddy, what's that on your, on your head?"

"That's called a baseball hat." (Probably about the 3rd time I have worn one in the same number of years, his confusion is understandable)

----wheels turning--- pause---"Do you play baseball?"

"Yes, sure, I love baseball" (ok, sooo not true, but I'm supporting well roundedness here"

---"You on a team?"

"Sure, I will play on your team"

"ok" --- we played catch later

We've all danced silly at one time or another

2011-06-25T15:54:00.008-06:00

On Friday I went to the Great Salt Lake along with 50 random others and flailed about in the shallows as if we were dancing. I don't have a "bucket list", but it certainly added some color to my tapestry.

This film shoot is for the next video being made by a guy named Matt. He literally travels all over the world and films people dancing silly. I will be dancing next to my brothers in Europe, my family in Asia, my blood in the Middle East, my friends across the Americas, my friends around the world. I get to be part of a message of unity, of acceptance, of compassion and the overwhelming oneness of and connection between the brotherhood of man, not a bad way to spend a summer evening.

By the time I took this picture most of the people from the shoot had left the beach and were up in the parking lot. If you look where a few people are standing in the water you will get an idea of where we were all jumping around. I can feel the salt in the back of my throat and the corner of my eye still.

The proverbial t-shirt.

I was impressed with Matt as an individual. His videos have been seen over 40 million times, a world wide personality, and he still had the air of just a guy. He waited around for as long as people wanted to take pictures, get autographs, take videos of smaller groups doing his silly dance with him. He knelt and spoke with kids and chuckled with the little old ladies. His smile was genuine the entire evening.

The shoot was at the marina at the Great Salt Lake. Though I am perched and parched mid-desert now, I am always a Michigan man at heart. I can't see a slew of boats and not click a pic.

I had never been there before and had pictured it much different than it really is.

Just hanging out

2011-06-23T01:28:00.004-06:00

So we went for a little walk today, mainly to help Greydon finish waking up from his nap. I've decided to start taking my camera around with me more often.

As we were walking Greydon looked over and said "Dad, take my, take my picture Dad." I told him I would love to take his picture and asked him if there was something he would like to be doing in the picture. His answer?

"Just hanging out."

Dang, he is so awesome.

I never posted Graduation pics

2011-06-21T04:23:00.002-06:00

I was happy that Kristen's family came to support me at my graduation, and that my Sister Amy and her fiance Jeff came all the way from Michigan for the event. I was very touched.

It was funny, but moving that tassle from one side to the other was the biggest "moment" out of the whole day of ceremonies for me. It felt significant.

While Amy and Jeff were here we drove around a bit. They loved the mountains, so we drove through them. It was fun. I tried to get some candid pics of the two of them... let's just say Jeff doesn't "pose" so much... But he actually stood still for a few.

Ok, Jeff is not a grumpy person at all, but he seems to be scowling in 80% of the pics, like I said, not a big one for "posing".

They are certainly very happy with each other, more than a little, it is great to see.

It makes me sad that Greydon doesn't know my side of the family as well, simply due to geographical separation, so it is always nice when he gets to hang out with my family. He had a blast playing with them and is still talking about them.

Well in this corner of heaven, we have jets.

2011-06-20T23:58:00.005-06:00

Going for a walk is such a great combination of so many things; seeing nature, appreciating beautiful things, spending time with family, getting some blood pumping, tonight was a great walk with Kristen and Greydon in the field next to our house, it truly felt like a little slice of something heavenly.

I love having conversations with him, not just listening to cute noises, but actually hearing him and responding to what he thinks about. It's hard to explain, I just love him. In this next pic he was telling me about the things he was seeing, a bird to be exact... well a bird, and about five other things.

At the risk of sounding cheese filled, I have to point out the beautiful world I get to live in. I love traveling and exploring. But you have to also appreciate the breath taking beauty of a field of grass blowing in the breeze in the foothills of the Rockies.

And yes, actually we all did run around making jet noises, intermixed with helicopter noises... and then back to being jets.

Father Figure

2011-06-19T13:44:00.010-06:00

Once when I was a teen we were at a church function and I was unable to get my dad's attention. Nothing was working, Brother Barnum, Cal, nothin... for some reason "FATHER FIGURE!" did it, he's been Father Figure ever since... or Pops.

Happy Father's day!

Copy of a letter I sent to officials in Eagle Mountain

2011-06-14T20:27:00.001-06:00

6-14-2010

To whom it may concern:

My name is Calvin Barnum II. I reside at ......

I just returned home after attending a public meeting of the planning commission regarding proposed re-zoning of Silver Lake.

I originally intended to provide a lengthy explanation of why I am writing this email, but it got too lengthy. Instead I will suffice to say I was not treated equally, professionally, nor welcomed. I have no intention to return to any public meeting and have very little respect for the planning commission and their obvious lack of concern about the opinions and concerns of this resident.

The meeting was merely a formality. The commission bowed to the developer who admitted that he could only afford one version of development, regardless and unrelated to what was shown on the proposed maps.

My concerns were blatantly dismissed as unimportant and, I was told, not their concern. The developer, clearly more concerned with marketing that the commission, agreed to make a gesture to appease my concerns. Though the gesture can apparently be ignored and changed at whim.

The committee made disparaging remarks about Silver Lake residents, a neighboring land owner referred to as "the church", and asked that their comments and jokes be stricken from the record.

I was surprised that I was the only resident in attendance, but now clearly understand that residents are invited, but not welcome by your public officials.

I have rarely felt so dismissed.

Sincerely,
Calvin Barnum II

Well it had to happen sooner or later

2011-04-03T09:52:00.002-06:00

Seeing your baby's blood just isn't right.

Yesterday he was standing on the toilet and reached to play with the faucet. His socks slipped out from underneath him and he face planted on the counter then fell between the toilet and the vanity and bonked his head down there also.

I handled it better than I may have expected in the past, luckily I have always been overly calm when emergency things happen, I get upset later. We had to figure out if it was a stich trip worthy or not.

Of course I called my mom, but she didn't answer so I called my oldest sister Shannon, she knows everything.

She reminded me to look at depth more than width.

The blood stopped pretty quick and after a minute it wasn't gaping open, we also were glad it didn't go through, so we didn't throw a flashing light on top of the car nor sped to an emergency room.

Of course he cried, but I was so impressed with how well he handled it, even though he hurt and was crying. He tilted his head back and said ahhh every time we wanted to peek at his lip. I love that he trusts us and knows we would never do anything that wasn't in his best interest. Maybe it seems like a silly line of thought, but I am glad he knows.

So we survived our first bleeding injury, he totally bit off the little extra flap of skin and he has a swollen lip... but I think we are going to be ok.

Family outing.... ish

2011-03-19T23:11:00.003-06:00

Kristen had the thought a while ago to make sure we had regular outings on weekends. Being both working parents we didn't want to fall into the trap of just resting on weekends or getting caught up in house work. There are so many important things to do and nice ways to relax, but I love her foresight that Greydon is more important than any of it and we need good ol' fashion family time on weekends.

Today... weeeeeeellll.

Kristen had a haircut in the morning and by time lunch was over Greydon was ready for his nap. We didn't really plan a huge outing, so as nap time came to an end we were scrambling to come up with something, and the weather wasn't exactly helping.

We got in the car and headed somewhere, though we didn't really know where. We knew we eventually needed to hit the grocery store but I was not feeling like Walmart = outing. Eventually we settled on bowling. Kristen with a shoulder shrug and I with visions of giggling skipping toddlers in my head.

As we were heading into town Greydon was playing with the cheaper little recorder we got him a week earlier. He calls it his horn. When I say recorder I mean the little clarinet-esque musical instrument that seems so prevalent in every elementary school but completely absent in any ensemble... He figured out how to properly blow into it right away, and knows that he is to move his fingers up and down on the holes... but we usually get one note only still, and I think it is starting to bother him. He knows what musical instruments are, he totally gets it. He knows violins, pianos, drums, flutes, harps, and guitars.. and everything else you blow into is pretty much a horn. So I think he is just bothered that his attempts are not matching what he expects to hear out of a horn. In the car he handed the recorder to his mom and said "It broken" She adjusted how he was holding it and he tried again. He handed it back and said "Its broken, it need new batteries." She giggled and said "it doesn't take batteries" I chimed in with "You're the battery." His response was "you're the battery" almost under his breath

We parked at the bowling alley, walked in the door and the line to get a lane was right next to arcade land. He was very excited about all of the flashing lights. Kristen walked with G-man while I got us a lane, paid for two rounds for three people, and got the cutest little bowling shoes you have ever seen... seriously, dang.

No waiting, headed to the lane, decided that "Wolverine" was easily the right choice for Greydon's bowling persona, Kristen stuck with "Tawanda" and I ventured forth as "Vinnie".

They have 6 pound balls, and Greydon can carry it, with a little effort. The bumper pads rise up automatically now only for the bowler who wants them (I should've had them after seeing my score) and they have those cool little ramps that you can point down the lane for the ball.

Did I mention I paid for two rounds? By the time we hit two frames we were having issues.

Greydon was literally growling at the people in the lane next to us every time they cheered for a good score... once he clapped at them in frustration with a little throat bark holler thing. After round two he had no intention of lug a huge six pound ball over to the lane and found very little interest in a ball, just rolling away and knocking something over... Maybe they need to make those ramp things turbo charged so the ball does more than limp along, it barely made it each round.

I think it had been a few years since I bowled, well I hope it has, I actually hope it's been at least a decade. By the end of game 1 I was a little more consistently actually making at least one pin fall over.

Greydon only wanted to go back to the arcade and was trying every play in the two year old hand book to make it happen. We side tracked him with some snacks for a second, but that only bought me one more half-hearted push off the bowling ball ramp thingy.

I kept hitting my foot on that stupid ramp thing I had pushed off to the side. Kristen somehow got the six pound ball lodged between the pop up bumper pads and the gutter half way down the lane. By the time I figured out where to push "assistance" on the lane info digital thing someone was already climbing out to retrieve it. I think someone was talking to me through the speaker on the console... but I might have just been the crazy guy talking to a table as I leaned in and loudly said "someone is already here."

Kristen got two strikes... I got two spares as my only shining moments of glory, all four instances happened as we bowled on Greydon's turn of course... two of them completely due to the bumper pad presence.

Greydon blew into the straw sending 7-up volcano style all over him, Kristen, the table I was trying to talk to, the floor, her shoes...

They refunded that second game I had so optimistically paid for...

The second we got outside he was happy and chatty and skipping... apparently I'm raising a naturalist... so we walked around the big ol' block and had a lovely time, siad hi to someone's cat, pointed at birds, bought some milk and toilet bowl cleaner at the grocery store next door and headed for home.

Bowling... not so much...

going for a walk... still free

I need to write these down sooner

2011-03-15T00:10:00.004-06:00

Greydon has us cracking up all of the time.. but I always blank on what it was when I have a chance to sit down. (Kristen's favorite is when he talks about things that happened n the past he says "last morning")

Saturday he handed Kristen her glasses which she wears sometime in the morning or at night pre or post contacts almost every day. Then he asked why I wasn't wearing glasses, which I normally never do. I love that he is inquisitive. It so happens that my glasses were nearby and within his reach. He went over, brought them to me and put them on my face for me.... then he said "You're cute." and walked back over to Kristen.

Maybe I should start wearing them after all.

Later he took Kristen's glasses back and started walking around the room using them as a magnifying glass.

We bought him a little magnifying glass at Walmart that night.

NOW

2011-03-11T01:11:00.003-07:00

Greydon, was sick with RSV so Kristen and I both took a couple of days off over the last week or so. We work really hard on not letting him turn into a spoiled brat. It is a serious concern especially after what it took to get him here, but we do make a conscious effort to not give him EVERYTHING he wants or let him get away with everything a two year old can come up with.

But when he got sick he started being grumpy and we kind of let him get away with it since he felt so bad. Well, it didn't take long and he really got used to yelling for any reason at any time, so now we have been working on solving that. (time out is the best invention ever) I talk to him quietly and explain that even if he is mad, frustrated, hungry, sad, whatever, that it is not ok to yell and holler (slap, gauge, wreak havoc in general) about it.

SO, last night I was changing his diaper and he wanted me to give him a green diaper instead of a blue diaper, just two different brands that we have around the house. He was rather adamant about wanting the green diaper even when I explained that the green diapers were all gone. Shockingly enough, that didn't solve the 2-yr old "I want it" mentality and he started to get a little riled up about it... Then he looked at me with a furrowed brow and pursed lips and said....."I fustated!"

I didn't know he even knew that word, it was awesome.

I made sure to thank him for letting me know he was frustrated, and tried really hard to hide my grin behind my back.

(This morning I noticed the changing table had been restocked with the green diapers, thanks Kristen) :)

......... eh.........

2011-02-27T02:59:00.002-07:00

Is it normal for other people's good news to make you sad or am I just a horrible person?

Rockin and Rollin, and what not

2011-02-13T22:34:00.002-07:00

http://www.ksl.com/?nid=148&sid=14362098&autostart=y

That is a link about three earthquakes all in one weekend in my neighborhood. They felt.. well "wrong" is the best word I can come up with. I admit to being a little freaked out by them. It wasn't shaking like I always thought, more like you are laying on a waterbed that someone else is messing with. It didn't feel right. I guess it's time to get those emergency packs back together. They got all mudified from the flood and shouldn't be too hard to reassemble.

Weird.

Beep Beep Beep.. over

2011-02-06T23:10:00.002-07:00

I am now... "Robot Daddy"

Me: "Initiating Nose Wiping Sequence bepp beepedy"

Greydon: "Thank you Robot Daddy beep"

(if he puts the hamper on his head he becomes Robot Greydon)

If your TV screen is staticky and your child is playing with a mylar ballon near the tv, the static electric charge that results will split the mylar ballon in half, scare your kid and blow out your tv. Being the TV repair people that we are, when it wouldn't turn back on we figured we would just unplug it for a while. The next step was shaking it, or hitting it of course. (Greydon walks up and smacks the side of the TV now when it is fuzzy... how white trash is that?) The amazingly technical unplug procedure worked, a few hours later it would turn back on, the menus were all weirded out at most. I was kind of hoping for an excuse to go TV shopping... might have to buy some more balloons.

Kristen and I feel it is perfectly appropriate that when someone shouts "not it" the other person just changes the gross diaper. The only remedy is to offer 5 million dollars, which often does the job. I will admit that Kristen changes more diapers than me, mainly I think it is a working mom thing, mixed with a "hey, that's really gross" thing. I do need to step it up a little actually. Anyway, yesterday Kristen and Angie were upstairs with Greydon and smelled a little "somethin somethin".

Them "Greydon, are you poopy?"

Greydon "Not, it!"

I should be in bed, oh well

2011-02-02T02:21:00.002-07:00

I'm not anti facebook... but I'm a little bored of one liners...

Anyway. I like to play around with little plays on words and write little songs in my head. I'm never quite sure when a song feels right if it is because the powers of the universe have converged and my little diddy is perfect... or if I just blatantly ripped off someone else's song and think I'm a genius.

If the weather continues to be this cold I vote we all move to somewhere Mediterranean. I had to spell check that one... one suggestion was subterranean... again, if the weather continues like this that too may be an option. I'm ready to not be cold.. I'm a wimp.

Greydon "ate" oatmeal today at daycare without a spoon... so we came home without pants... his emergency pants were used the day before, we weren't ready to need another pair so quick. I think we should all have emergency pants...

I think it's official, I'm pretty confident I can now say I am done with my degree. I think I've decided to walk in April, well, my family is being very supportive and even some of my siblings are going to come out, so I'm walking in April. I think it's healthy to focus on being proud for finishing. I'm also proud of my "with honors" final GPA.

I'm loving the school I am working at, but next year wouldn't mind working a little closer to home. Any other commuters out there? An hour each way isn't my friend.

Greydon is talking up a storm, but now he is totally aware when we have no idea what he is saying. Sometimes he is patient with us. Yesterday he said something... that sounded like ... chewies Elmo... so I made that guess and he paused and looked at me, said "Not chewies Elmo" like I was insane and then dropped his head in exasperation into his palms. It was such a grown up display of annoyance it was awesome.

In primary class nine year olds told me "this is actually pretty interesting". I'll take that.

Smack that Parrot

2011-01-24T20:44:00.004-07:00

ok, just a few funny Greydon stories; I know, I know, cheesy father alert.

I love the fact that Greydon has a sense of humor. He understands what joking around is and has for a surprising long time. There were times when we thought to ourselves, is he making a joke? Do babies that little joke? So, anyway, now, we know he knows how to joke, and he's pretty funny actually.

Along that line, I taught him how to say "boys rule" a little while ago. "Greydon Rules!" is a well known battle cry that we taught him a long time ago, and we've been talking lately about how he is a boy and... stuff. So, he kind of knows what the phrase is getting at. On cue, bless her, Kristen over reacts and blusters incredulously whenever he says it, which is perfect, and he just laughs. I taught him "boys rule" and will whisper in his ear "say boys rule". I don't have to say any more instructions, even though I whispered it and didn't say whom to say it to, he will always turn to Mom and say loudly "boys rule mommy" and laugh and laugh as he says it over and over as Kristen keeps reacting and playing back saying Noooo, what!, no way. The other day after he was just laughing his heart out at the exchange he turned back to me and said, and I quote... "Daddy I say boys rule n Mommy says Nooooo", and laughed and laughed some more. Hilarious... he is such a little man.

We talk a lot with him, are always showing him new things, we aren't freaky about it, we're just both teachers at heart and it seems like natural conversation, plus he is inquisitive. I love when he doesn't know an answer or doesn't want to figure it out; his reply? "I no no no no know" often with a little shrug and maybe palms up. We talk about musical instruments, he loves the sound of violins, loves his drums, loves the piano, knows how a flute works compared to other kinds of instruments and will stop all playing and dance at any kind of music, beat, hint of singing from a TV radio, toy, you name it. He has some pretty good moves and usually wants us to join in the dance.

Lately he has started using the phrase "What does ___ mean" even if he kind of knows the answer.

The other day he asked me what it was I had in my hand. It was a shoe horn, one of those long ones you can buy for 99 cents at Ikea... of course I haven't used it since.. but 99 cents people... 99... anyway... Yesterday he was kind of chewing on it... because he was walking around the house with it, the curved end in his mouth, humming and kind of blowing on it and then I saw he was holding it with both hands, moving his fingers up and down and humming... yep, playing the horn. He knows what a horn is, I guess he just figured it was another instrument. Love the connections he makes... not loving the little red pieces of rubber he is biting off my new horn.. it's going to be hard to tune now.

One more... can you handle it?

We are always singing. He is starting to kind of sing back, lots of humming and dancing more than breaking into song to be honest, but he knows little parts of songs, and will often fill in the next word here and there, loves loves loves action songs he knows them all. The other day I proudly heard the entire twinkle twinkle tune... it was in Chinese or something, but the tune was easily recognizable. When he is mad (a whole other set of stories...) Some of my tricks are to ask him lots of questions, or to ask him if I can sing him this or that song. Sometimes the questions are magic, he forgets he was just throwing a fit, the songs are usually a "NO", but I keep asking him if I can sing... Mary had a little lamb, no, Twinkle Twinkle, no, ABC song, no, 123, no, etc etc and will often throw out a random title to a made up tune, the longer and weirder the fake title, the more likely he will suddenly say, yes.. which is where of course you make up a song on the spot... Weeeeeeelllll, sometimes I don't make up a fake song title and throw out a non-child appropriate title, which usually gets a no like everything else... so when he said yes to "Smack that" I laughed and sang a few lines... and now it always gets a "yes"... :) Kristen will shake her head in shame and give me that look as I try to stifle a laugh... "Smack that out on the floor, smack that give me some more, smack that, till you get sore, smack that" .. so not exactly Sesame Street. Yesterday, just to give Kristen a hard time I asked Greydon if he wanted to sing "Smack that"? and his response? Was it a no? (nope) was it a yes? (nope, better)......he sang "Smack that, out on da foor..." all on his own I died, I rolled into the couch trying to hide my fits of laughter, Kristen tried to look bothered but the hand to the mouth covering the giggles gave her away.. Just now getting ready for bed we had a repeat.. ahhhh my sweet little parrot..

if x is for xylophones...

2010-12-26T22:40:00.006-07:00

I am having difficulty deciding what I wanted to blog about right now. There are so many valid possibilities. I could blog about Christmas, secular or spiritual, though I don't feel like I have much to share that everyone wouldn't already be numb to; nothing earth shattering or earth shatteringly philosophical. It was a good Christmas, Greydon amazes me on a continuous basis, Jesus is great, thanks for the great gifts, happy to be surrounded with love, glad to have a week of rest, having a great vacation so far at that R's, I think that about sums it up.

I thought about posting about my schooling, not my teaching, but my studenting... and I guess this kind of counts.... I recently finished my classes. I alternate between a few different feelings here. One is gratitude that we were able to make it happen as a family, it would not have been possible without Kristen rooting for me and making many sacrifices. So that causes an undulation towards the guilt of taking so much family time to finish a degree that many people finish long before they are my age. The topic of "my age" undulates a queasy feeling of embarrassment, a feeling that is reemphasized every time someone clarifies; "oh so this is your masters? some sort of post graduate license? You finally are graduating surely with something more than just a bachelor's degree... surely at your age... oh wait... why are you all red faced and staring at the floor? Oh, awkward..." as I red facedly pretend like I am not reacting to the assumption I must be getting something above and beyond the bachelor's... hi, just a god ol' fashioned degree... yep, I'm old, yep, I didn't finish the first time I went to school, let me know if you would like a list of every other decision I regret.... Hey, I'm overweight too, should we talk about that for a while next? At one event in particular I had to clarify so many times in a row I was a little... affected.... I can list off reasons I am proud of finishing, but to list them now would sound forced and immature... I am proud... but I wish I was twenty two and getting a degree from Harvard or Yale or someplace instead of oldy two from UVU... huh, that rhymes...

But it feels unseasonal to keep hashing that one over. I regret not focusing on Jesus Christ more this year, especially during THE SEASON. I let myself get caught up with work and school and before I knew it we were driving to Christmas Day. We tried to enjoy an acapella concert... much different with a 2 and a 1/2 year old than last year when he still wasn't even standing. I am amazed how fast he is progressing, we just learned gallop, a year ago we were hoping for weight bearing... completely shocked at the growth... anyway, where was I... hey look a run on sentence...hmmm, well, moving on...

I'm not big into New Year's resolutions, mainly because I don't last even a week, so that affords me the opportunity to be philosophically anti resolution. I do think it is a time worth pondering, taking inventory and whatever touchy feely word comes to mind. One of my reoccurring faults is to let reflection turn into wallowing, so I try to glance at mirrors instead of pulling up a recliner and camping out.

I'm guessing most of us "normal" people frequently feel overwhelmed, right? I can't imagine I'm the only one who feels like I am flailing in slow motion in the middle of a wheat field while angry torch wielding villagers are charging in from every direction... or am I? Sometimes I just want to yell BRING IT ON and punch whatever villager is close, other times I want to curl up in a ball and hope they just run right over me and sometimes I find myself just staring at the flames of their torches, entranced, unable to decide on my next move. See, this is what happens when I spend too much time in front of that self inspection reflection... I let a little of the crazy inside my head show....

To finish off on a very enlightened, post graduate level of self-reflective torch bearing introspection... here are the results to Kristen's and my alphabet game that helped keep me awake while I was driving to CO for a Christmas Eve surprise...

A is for Archaic Angels
B is four bouncy baubles
c is for colorful candles
d is for demented deer
e is for
f is for frosty flocking
g is for gaudy garland
h is for holy Handel
i is for illuminated icicles
j is for just Jesus
k is for kept kitchens
l is for lowly lowings
m is for magical movies
n is for nocturnal noel
o is for
p is for phat Prancer
q is for quaking quail
r is for riotous ribbon
s is for
t is for two turtle doves
u is for
v is for voluminous violins
w is for winter wonderland
x is for xeroxed xylophones (Santa has to go through security with a xylophone... you try to come up with a Christmas X item)
y is for yodeling yule
z is for

ok, I forgot a few, blame it on the eggnog... Once I stop trying to remember they will come back to me...

I'm thankful.. right? Yes, thankful.... yes

2010-11-30T21:25:00.004-07:00

Thanksgiving. Ok, can I just start off by sounding really bitter about the holiday? I know it is supposed to be about pondering all of our blessings, of which I have too many to count... even if I forget to count them sometimes... but such a big part of it is about the food. I'm sorry, but I don't like anything about traditional Thanksgiving food, there I said it. Turkey is fine, I'll have a piece a year and call it good.. there are so many better deserts than pumpkin pie, stuffing has too many chunkies, cranberries are just gross, luckily I love potatoes... By far the most awesome Thanksgiving memory ever was the year that my immediate family just stayed home and had a huge fest of homemade oriental food. There isn't even the tiniest thing Asian about our blood, but dang Mom makes some great oriental food.. it was awesome. Wouldn't it be a cool meal if everyone just brought their random most favorite dish of all time.. I'm sure there would be some dishes that maybe don't go together perfect, but it would be exciting and different every year depending on who was coming to dinner.

We went to CO this year, now don't get me wrong, my in-laws set a great turkey table... but it's just not my meal of dreams. (I know I know.. I always have been a bit of a jerk)

The drive over was rushed and frantic to stay ahead of the storm of the century that never really materialized... so that was a little hectic. Right before the trip one of my tires went flat, was very damaged and we had to pretend we could afford to replace it. I was ecstatic that they didn't tell me we needed more new tires... until in CO we found out we DID need more... three more actually... yes... 3 + 1 = 4... awesome... (For all of you who are addicted to being all positive and happy all pf the time, yes we are very lucky it went flat on a sunny day in town and not in a snow storm on the winding death defying canyon from heck, it's just money right? Food, shelter, clothes... only money.... deep cleansing breath..deeeep breath... )

On the way back home we hit the next big storm that came our way, and this time felt it for sure. The canyon was a little stressful, but the closer we got to home the worse it got. Pulling into our neighborhood was the first time we had done so in bad weather.. welcome to living in hills.... I slammed into a curb when I forgot to just pump the breaks... now to go straight I have to hold the steering wheel to the right... I'm guessing that's not good... but unless the alignment fairy comes along...

I am so glad we took time to decorate our Christmas tree before we left, it was great to come home to a little Christmas... I don't know when we could have gotten to it other wise...

The best part of the trip was that we got some family pics with the in-laws. I hate the idea of being in a pic, and every year hate it a little more. But we just got a preview pic of Greydon, and it was worth feeling fat just to see this pic of him.

So I should probably look past the fact that in the rush to leave we forgot to winterize and had a fountain of water shooting out of our sprinkler system... I should probably be happy that the sink hole that is now our front flower garden didn't flood the basement this time... I should probably continue to breath deeply and no longer feel like I am going to break down into a puddle of tears and swear words any second... right? Shouldn't I?

Half full half full half full half full damn silver lining half full half full half full half full

(Greydon is saying little three word sentences now... I lov-ed you Mommy ... Love you Daddy... Good night.... OH, Hello... Look, hot pasta... Daddy dance, spin daddy... those keep you going better than anything, that's for sure)

Just another week.

2010-11-14T19:16:00.003-07:00

At lunch on Wednesday I started feeling funny, well less "hilarious" and more "gee I hope I stay vertical without retching". It was sudden, and not a feeling I am used to. In hind sight I wish someone had shot off a starter's pistol so I realized this was the starting line for the next few fun filled days.

Of course, as I was weaving around my room that afternoon putting on my "everything is normal" face for my students trying to stay focused long enough to remember the next set of plans and instructions without sounding altered, in walks my principal. For what felt like longer than the moment of hesitation that it really was, all I could think was... awesome... the italics indicating more than a little sarcasm.

My principal is amazing, truly and honestly. All teachers are frequently observed by administration, it is part of the process. Newer teachers are observed more frequently with pre meetings, post meetings goals and plans all included. We had already had our pre-observation meeting. I knew she would be visiting sometime. The actual day I had thought she would be coming, where I made sure to ring a bunch of bells and tweet a few whistles had come and gone. A principals schedule is more than hectic and I was fine with her dropping by whenever it worked out for her... The irony that she was finally able to make it to my classroom right at the time that conveniently aligned with my head weighing five times it's normal weight somehow and my tap dancing stomach was just proof that the fates had turned against me.

Of course she came to the class that had fallen a little behind and that needed a little extra time to work on some assignments. But, it's not like I was going to kick back behind my desk and take a nap while she posed, pen in hand, to take note of my instructing prowess. So, I forged on. I dodged a few bullets and muddled my way through the class. Not my best performance, but I figured I hadn't offended her principalness too badly.

Kristen was busy at her own school with parent/teacher conferences... or SEPs if you like your acronyms. So it was necessary for me to hurry a little faster and to pick up Greydon (Amy rules). So I threw whatever papers were on my desk into a drawer or five, and took off and sped towards home. My normal route involves coming down 15, taking the Bangerter exit to Redwood and continuing south to our neck of the woods. I continued to feel more and more out of it, which isn't saying much, but it was affecting my driving. I weaved a little more than normal and frequently slapped myself to attention and turned up the air conditioning for alertness on the hour drive home. I made sure to get over to my exit lane just in the nick of time and then turned south onto Redwood road... I thought. I am still not sure which one of those facts is actually a lie, but somehow I ended up in a neighborhood that was not part of my normal commute. I was also unsure if I had turned too soon or gone too far. So as I guessed a few times which way to go to make my way back to a road I recognized I literally ended up on a two lane dirt path that clung to the muddy side of a steep hill overlooking chasms, valleys, pig farms and the back yards of track mansions. Ridiculous... and the clock kept ticking as Greydon was surely sitting in misery waiting for my arrival.

Well, I eventually made my way back to pavement and got to Greydon who was blissfully unaware of his abandonment. I took a bunch of tylenol which hopefully made a difference.

Thursday I was scheduled to carpool. Greydon's Aunt Ang had the day off and wanted to spend some time with him. There wasn't any really good solid ground to stand on to refuse to bring him up to her, since I pretty much drive within a few blocks of her house and have dropped him off before. My throbbing head and my sour stomach simply made me unwilling to do much besides scowl. But a plan was figured out, I would just swap who was driving the carpool which day and added Greydon's car seat to the pile of debris I call my backseat. We woke up Greydon, kept him in his jammies since it was earlier than his normal schedule, wrapped a blanket around him and I headed towards the carpool lot.

The road noise sounded wrong.

The car wasn't pulling, but it was just really noisy. So I pulled over, said something reassuring to Greydon, who was now very excited to see Ang, and patrolled my car. Sure enough, rear driver's side tire completely flat; and I had only succeeded in getting far from home without getting close to carpool land.

After some texting and calling. I started pulling out the jacks and such from the back of the car waiting for Kristen to come and retrieve Greydon while the guy I carpool with came to rescue me and get us both to work. It was freezing out side, so not willing to get Greydon sick, I closed the back of the car and decided to just leave it in the parking lot for the day.

The principal had not had time yet for our post observation meeting, so I spent the majority of Thursday wondering how I fared, well wondering really translates to stressing. In all of the extra melee of getting Greydon going early, I had forgotten my lunch. So I was starving, and sick, and wonder stressing. My carpool buddy went and bought me some nuggets and caffeine.. the caffeine was heavenly. He is awesome.

Kristen came up to SLC to pick up Greydon, so I met her on the way and headed over to Angie's. The nuggets were complaining and the carbonation was trying to come back up so I spent the rest of the night sweating and shivering on Angie's couch. Forget the car that had been abandoned, and forget the test I was supposed to go take that night... convulse convulse and whine.

We got Greydon up early again on Friday so they could both drive me to our carpool lot that morning; my car still lonely in a parking lot. Fridays are a strange schedule at my school and my lunch time is about 9:30 am. We had an assembly where I loomed over talking kids I don't know and then I ate the microwaved breakfast sandwich I was proud to have remembered. As a few other teachers ate in one of our teacher areas we noticed a large group of kids "escape". We called the office and then watched the police cars and vice principals go round them back up. There was one hiding group of kids the administration had not looked in the right place for. Though we were on the second floor, we were within hollering distance from the searching administration. So, not afraid of a little climb, I climbed precariously onto the back of the broken down couch and got my face up and underneath the window that only tilts open at the least convenient angle, and proceeded to tell them to head a few houses north. Which they did. Then I climbed down from my perch. I'm not as flexible as I once was, but the lunging step backward I had to take was impressive... until I heard the ripping sound.

Now, if the butt of my pants had ripped, I could've jauntily wrapped my jacket around my waist... but I just stood and stared down in shock and horror at the multiple huge and long rips that now replaced the most importantly private area of the front of my pants. Seriously, I was under dressed for a role as Tarzan. The entire front left half of my pants was now strips of fabric lazily fluttering in front of my underwear. Luckily most of the teachers had already gone back to class, but I had this next hour free for prep... or it would have been worse. Well, if it had happened in front of students I might have actually died.. but, there was the problem, I wasn't done for the day, I still had to teach for another couple of hours and go to meetings.

I waited for the halls to empty out and limped back to my room with a pulled down shirt and an awkwardly held lunch bag, looking as casual as possible, good thing I wore a polo that day. I'm not a sit at my desk kind of teacher, but I sure was the rest of the day.. and for meetings after school was soooo cold that I had to just carry my coat with me everywhere I went... ridiculous.

To top it all of, while changing my tire, with shredded pants in a thankfully empty parking lot, it quickly became apparent that this tire was not going to be salvaged as huge chunks were missing, that might have been the odd road noise I was wondering about... awesome... and of course they are the weird expensive tires.

So here it is Sunday night.. the tire has been fixed, I had a post-observation with perfect pants that went great. She said she rarely gave a first year teacher such high marks. A new tire is back on the car, I'll carpool a few times in a row this week to make up for the days I missed. Greydon is cute as ever. And I have no intention of opening up the pantry to figure out what just fell off of a shelf and almost scared the heart out of my chest.

Just another week in paradise.

Zoo!

2010-11-06T20:06:00.004-06:00

Greydon loves animals, he has some favorites. So we were excited today to take him to the Hogle Zoo. It was a fun, successful day, but there were some funny/ironic points too that you just have to chuckle and go along with.

He was interested in the animals, but I don't think he realized that having the real thing in front of you is a little different than looking at pictures in a cool book. He would watch them, name them, say hello and goodbye to them but never really had the WOW, mouth dropping reactions I was anticipating.

The first one we went to were the elephants.. he watched them, and was then ready to move along... we were a little surprised... the baby elephant playing with her ball was cute, he was more excited by the cool big red ball....

After the elephants we moved onto the rhinos.. he loves his baby rhino stuffed animal, so I thought the rhino was going to be the big WOW moment, he was mildly interested... he kept pointing to the rhinos... well to be more specific he kept pointing to the pictures of the rhino that was on the sign to their enclosure... which was of course right in front of the actual live rhino that was standing right there looking at us.... but the sign was the star of that show... until the rhino walked away from us and I said quietly, "Look Greydon, a rhino butt." Of course, top of his voice "RHINO BUTT RHINO BUTT RHINO BUTT!" He called the next few animals Rhinos.

The first monkeys were sleeping, but the spider monkeys were putting on a show, he chose to point out the empty monkey enclosure next door and said something that included the word "Daddy". I just kept on walkin'.....

After a few more animals we got to the tiger enclosure, another potential wow moment... they were all asleep, Greydon told us "Tiger sleeping shhh" It was pretty dang cute...

The Giraffes were awesome. The way the walkways worked we were able to stand up by their heads where they were eating. It was quiet and special. I have been by a giraffe before, but never less than a foot away from one's head for so long. Greydon just stared with us. Until the group of screaming children kind scared them away... I was tempted to toss them into the enclosure...

The gorilla was curled up in a corner, and later wrapped himself in a sheet. Greydon loved saying the word Gorilla. Right about the time we were ready to give up on the Gorilla doing much his keeper walked out and chatted to us about his sheet, apparently he loves to burrito himself into it all the time. As the keeper walked around the other side of the enclosure the Gorilla heard his friend and walked over to the other side of the enclosure... impressive to say the least. We were right next to him for a minute. Greydon loved saying Gorilla and did great naming all of the animals.. except for the Orangutans... he kept calling them Gorillas.. hopefully they weren't too offended.

Greydon liked the animal carousel so we were excited to move on to the train.. the little tiny train, the tiny little munchkin sized train. The tiny little munchkin sized train that lasted about 5 minutes. The tiny munchkin five minute train ride with the conducter who sounded like a munchkin had bitten off her nose and felt that the more rise and fall to her tone of voice would totally make the ride exciting... she was mistaken... Greydon was unimpressed and ready to move on too, it was funny.

I love zoo gift stores; I could take one of everything. Kristen and I decided that we would wait for the WOW jaw dropping reaction to his favorite animal and let that decide the one thing we would take home to make sure we didn't go crazy. He had some wow jaw dropping moments that were great, moments that fascinated him, where he just was jabbering away and making sure were were seeing how cool everything was... They were, in order; A bench, a manhole cover, an air vent grate, and every garbage can we passed... We didn't buy anything in the gift store, luckily they don't sell benches.

It was a great fall day with leaves floating around us and the sun was just the right temperature as peacocks walked around us and kids were skipping and laughing. It was a good day.

I need to go buy a bench.

Conditioned

2010-11-02T23:09:00.002-06:00

When a PA beeps and you get invited to come down to the Principal's office... I at least get a little jumpy.

Our Principal is amazing, the perfect combination of all things... seriously. I even knew I needed to go talk to her and knew it would be soon. It was a simple meeting talking about her next observation, scheduling it, planning on how it would go, normal stuff.

Still...

Beep... "Could you please come to the principal's office."

Terrifying... well, maybe not TERRIFYING...

Also, personal recommendation... read Cameron's blog.. it's to the side, fascinating life of a paramedic, and one of my past students... awesome.

Random pics from emptying pnone camera

2010-10-17T12:24:00.001-06:00

And we are worrying about words per minute?

2010-10-17T10:19:00.002-06:00

At the beginning of this school year our head custodian was test driving a co workers motorcyle in the school parking lot. The bike was a new powerful kind of vehicle, somthing went wrong and this fie gentleman died.

Any teacher who has more than two brain cells knows the value of the custodial staff. A large part of what we do, and a huge part of my personal philosophy revolves around the concept of environment. I spend a lot of time working on lettig the students know they are in a safe place when they are in my classroom both emotionally and physically. If a student isn't willing to risk being wrong, then tat student can never make a leap and form a new connection. If a student is worried about feeling stupid, that student wont ask question they need answers to. If the mind is soaked in defense strategies, there is little room left to worry about pesky learning.

My point is, that a huge part of that rests on those who spend their time maintaing the facilities and creating the physical safe environment that makes teaching possible. On top of doing an amazing job with the building, the lead custodian was a champion for the students. He was always present, making friends with the students and letting them know how important their education was to him. When the different teaching departments implemented a vocabulary program that involved posting different large posters around the school of vocab words for their subject matter, he includd his custodial department and made a list of vocab words as well.

This last week we played a tribute video in memory of him and his life. We then sat and had talks with the students in our advisory classes (home rooms) to help them through any emotions that the video may have triggered. We wanted them to know that it was ok to show emotion and it was ok to admit to sadness. One of my students left a party. Shortly after she left, a friend got shot in a driveby at that party. She talked about feeling guilty and powerless. I not only teach those thirtykids in myadvisory class, I work with almost three hundred students, this semester alone. One of my students has a drug addict father who died from an OD two months ago. I have so many students with so many stories, I only get a glimpse of what they are going through every now and then. It is humbling.

A is for

2010-10-14T19:24:00.005-06:00

Traditional road trip game results:

Acquiescing Armadillos
Bothered Baboons
Catapulted Cats
Dangling Dalmatians
Effervescent Elk
Fastidious Ferrets
Gyrating Gorillas
Haunted Horney Toads
Ill-equipped Iguana
Jealous Jackrabbit
Kaleidoscopic Kettlefish (FYI this should be cuttlefish)
Luscious Lemon sharks
Mumbling Mink
Noxious Narwhale
Omnipotent Orangutans
Perfunctory Platypus
Queasy Queen Bee
Rancid Rhinoceros
Simpering Salamander
Tarnished Toucans
Unfit Unicorns
Vivacious Velociraptors
Winterized Walleye
x-rated xenon fish (yep, we made it up)
Yanked Yaks
Zealous Zebra

That counts as an update right?

woops

2010-08-29T23:13:00.004-06:00

Ok, I already typed a big long new post... and then messed up and deleted it all.... so this one might not be extra impressive.

I had a 7th grade girl get diagnosed with "School Phobia". This was right after she broke down crying in my class for no reason... I was afraid it was me, but it is triggered by stress that they create for themselves... I didn't cause it, whew.

We also had a student get hit by a truck crossing a busy intersection on the way to school. It was bad enough they life flighted him out, but we found out he is going to be ok, broken up, but not life threatening. Scary.

A dog got into the school, so half of one day had this constant dog bark in the back ground...

I started off my classes by talking about what they liked and didn't like about school and what they would do to change it. I wasn't positive where it would lead. I wasn't shocked that every class said mainly they were bored. I know our job isn't to entertain them blah blah... but how well did you do in a class that put you to sleep everyday? It was good stuff.... Every class also listed racism and DRAMA as things that bugged them about school, as well as mean teachers. I get them excited about the courses talking about how it was all about communication. I asked them if they ever felt ignored and what would it be like to not be. They were totally buying in. I had them close their eyes and I asked them to imagine KNOWING that whoever they spoke to next would actually hear them, listen, and value what they had to say... they were speechless, I'm pretty sure one kid got teared up. Then I asked them to write me an intro letter that explained what they were thinking, what they wanted out of a class, why the did or didn't like school. As soon as they realized it was an assignment I started to loose some of them. I got some of them to relax and get into it. But there is still that bias I have to fight against that says "Homework Sucks and I don't want to do it."

Two of my classes are the more advanced 9th grade version. Both classes voted to have all of their assignments be centered on a common goal, so instead of class it will be run more like an activist group or lobbyist group. We are still researching possible causes.. but I am excited that they felt they could have a voice... it could be fun.

It is pretty stressful though, I am starting from scratch since I didn't like what the last teacher did... it was all to robotic boring memorization... I was bored just thinking about teaching it... So I may have created a huge project headache for myself, hope it's worth it in the end.

Life itself is pretty stressful too, which isn't making things any easier. I know it's considered crass to talk about finances, but when our last paycheck was at the beginning of the summer and we prepaid what we could and made all of our plans... we hadn't planned on, oh buying A HOUSE... so we are limping by right now... not pretty. Throw in there that my financing for my last semester of school has turned into an issue for the first time ever and we are about to crack... but hey, that's what food storage is for right? NOTE TO SELF: ADD VALIUM TO NEXT WAVE OF FOOD STORAGE

It's only Tuesday?

2010-08-24T20:44:00.001-06:00

I totally have stuff to blog about... but right now I have to get ready for my first night class that I have to take WHILE interning full time... whoever came up with that plan needs to be punished seriously... I almost have enough energy to wipe the drool off of my chin... almost....

Tick Tock Arggghhh

2010-08-20T14:42:00.003-06:00

There are times when I am tempted to scream myself to sleep and other times when I just start nodding to myself reassuringly that I'm ready for Monday. Either way, it's almost here.

I've been going to a lot of meetings, in a bunch of venues, either district or shcool, or department, or here at UVU. They are all important, but I am not overly excited to be pulled away from getting my classroom ready to go all the way down to UVU for a meeting that will probably mainly consist of them asking us if we are ready... ironic...

I have already had the chance to meet some of my students and I am getting a better handle on the culture at MJH. I have learned some sad numbers. One of them is that around 57% of our students are on free or reduced lunches... so basically over half of our students can't afford to eat. It was sobering. It has changed some of my lesson plans, I won't be assuming that everyone will have an I pod in their back pocket like my last school.

The administration has only good things to say about the students, they admit they require some extra attention, but have such high standards. The best example is that the big concern that all of the teachers had last year was students getting to class before the tardy bell and working on homework at home... When you think about the population at this school, there could have been much graver fears and concerns than tardiness. It is impressive.

They told us new teachers that her at MJH if a student gives you a big sob story about why they couldn't get something done, unlike some schools, here it is likely true. There are a lot of homeless kids who come to this school, kids in horrible home life situations. Many grandparents who are raising kids whose parents are incarcerated, and are vocal about not wanting the kid.. in front of the kid.

One fact that sobered me up was that they keep a bunch of shoes in the counseling office... because they needed to have a solution for when kids showed up in the winter crying because they didn't have shoes. Kids at this school are sad when it is a 3 day weekend, they would often rather stay at school than go to... wherever.. Last year one of the students who was living in a truck in someone's driveway showered in the locker room before school everyday.

I'm humbled... and really excited, I finally get to make a difference... in some small way

A cape flutters to the ground

2010-08-16T15:52:00.005-06:00

The district offices for Granite School District are amazing. Large, clean, beautiful and well staffed. Wednesday, as I previously mentioned, I was at my school. It is a spotless school, the custodial staff is amazing, and everyone wants to meet there as a district. Thursday and Friday I was the Granite District offices which were also spotless and impeccably maintained, apparently it is a trend I am hoping is wide spread. Monday, today, I found myself at the district offices again for a different round of meetings. A number of times throughout the last couple of days as people found out where I would be teaching they only had nice things to say about the school.

I went to work in my classroom last week, before official contract days and before I actually had my keys. The custodial staff was so helpful, welcoming and professional, they let me into my room and were very helpful. I was instantly impressed with how my room, that was vacated by a retiring teacher, was more than ready for the new year already.

When I had to go find someone, all of the office staff couldn't stop raving about our support staff. During registration, which I got to help with, the custodial staff were there making sure the school was shiny and ready for another year. I have the opportunity to go into plenty of schools, and honestly I've been noticing the difference.

Today's meetings were a district wide meeting of CTE teachers, my department. It was announced that the lead custodian at my school died on Friday. He was not old. I would guess he was in his 40's but I really don't know. There was a fun motorcycle called a "spider bike" that has two wheels in front side by side and one in back. He lost control, went over an embankment and died of massive head trauma.

He was an integral part of the community at my future school and it was referred to as "the tragedy at Matheson". Teachers know the value of such a wonderful staff and team member. Though I had not yet had the opportunity to know him yet, I can only imagine how sad my future team mates are right now.

I hope everyone realizes the value of the unsung behind the scenes people who make everything else possible.

Take a moment, pause to think, I'm sure there are those we don't think about too often. Today an unsung is being missed.

Here is the link to the story

http://www.deseretnews.com/article/700056706/Employee-killed-in-motorcycle-accident-at-Magna-school.html?s_cid=rss-30

Keys and pizza

2010-08-11T17:26:00.005-06:00

They call me Mr. Staff.

Today I went up to my school to help out with student registration. I manned the q-s table. It was a great way to get a handle on the school population and diversity. It is a very diverse school Everyone was very cordial, even after waiting in a few different long lines. I think that is a good sign. I also got to meet some of the staff and found out that at least two teachers commute farther than I do. It looks like there will be some opportunity to carpool. It must be a good place to work if people are willing to commute.

After four hours of talking and helping people do all sorts of paperwork and immunization reports and fee payments and such and such and such such, I decided to stick around and work in my classroom.

I got my keys, and found the work room, so I started working on my bulletin boards... I just need to find a good picture of tiger eyebrows and find someone who has some jungle netting they want to get rid of... just another day at the water cooler right.

I found the teacher's lounge and a soft light started glowing around a pop machine has a choir in the distance sang oohs and ahhs. It was on and everything. My first early schedule and the sweet sweet nectar of caffeinated goodness was shimmering before me. I took out my dollar bill, gave it to the bill reader... gave it to the bill reader, flattened it out, why isn't the bill reader trying to take the bill, sloooowly and peacefully offered it to the bill reader, offered it to the bill reader in quick succession, touched the buttons longingly, stuck my lip out, furrowed my brows, heaved a sigh... offered it to the bill reader.

Right about the time I gave up, the pizza delivery guy showed up. The administration bought everyone lunch as a thankyou for helping out at registration.. yes, pizza AND drinks. I'm remembering how long it is between 5am and noon.

Just for fun I snapped a picture looking out the windows of my classroom. It's great everyone tells me I got a great room.

Oh, the staff comment: I met a few of my future students by glancing at their schedules every now and then... It was fun to say hi, and they all seemed to care they were meeting one of their teachers. That's not always the case in Junior High Land, I'll take multi cultural any day over apathy. They don't have me officially in the system yet, which is really normal, so Next to my subjects and room numbers it just says Staff. Not so reassuring. At least they gave me keys.. that made up for it.

Keep your hands inside the ride

2010-08-09T23:14:00.005-06:00

I think I am going to blog a little more frequently about my first year teaching full time. I can't promise it's going to be overtly impressive or entertaining, well I guess I could promise anything I want, doesn't mean it's going to be the case.

But we'll see what happens along the way... either way.

I went up to my new school today, not really for the first time.

I've already met my new administration a few times and toured my room. They are so great. They are excited, and supportive and happy people. I am very excited about the environment.

But today, the room was mine. The retiring teacher was pretty much cleared out, though she left a ton of supplies. The chairs we are all stacked, tables and carts were sitting on top of cabinets as the carpets got cleaned over the summer.

I had a custodian let me into my room... MY room and just started moving whatever I wanted to where ever I wanted it. I'm not finding the right words here. It wasn't about empowerment or playing house, it was about a sense of arrival and the opportunity to get my hands dirty with what I've been planning all of these years.

My outlook and teaching philosophy dictated where I started moving things. I have this crazy notion that school should be interesting and exciting.

I feel like I am strapped in and listening to the clank-clank-clicking of the chain that pulls the car up that first hill of the roller coaster.

Hello, I'm creepy

2010-08-05T19:51:00.005-06:00

Around 4pm this evening, perhaps closer to 4:30 the doorbell rings. I answer the door expecting perhaps an excavator or a flood restoration specialist, but was surprised by a shorty. I am not very talented at the whole age guessing game, I would make a terrible carny.. but he was short. I'm guessing 5 or so years old.. but really I have no idea. He was riding a bike with training wheels, it was sitting on the step behind him. I had never seen this kid before. He brushed one foot on the doorstep like he wanted an invite in. I calmly chatted the kid up. I didn't find out too much. I came out onto the porch first of course, inviting kids into the stranger's house down the block, not a good idea. I found out his name was Cash, he lived "over there" which took a few pointings to clarify. His parents weren't with him, his dad wasn't home but his Mom was and no he was not ok. Inquiring farther led to the fact that he was in need, of something black, that his friends wanted, and that could be used on his bike and had something to do with a jetpack. He was surprised I did not have one of those and asked me what else I hadinstead. I have to admit to pausing to decide exactly what would be the best response to that. I suggested we take a walk back to his house "over there". He didn't love the idea but I let him know I just wanted to say hi to his mom.. He still didn't like the idea but started to ride his bike with one training wheel making contact and the other askew. He informed me his was still fine and that he would be ok. I walked with him for a little longer, he told me I didn't have to come with him. I got the idea he was starting to realize he might not want his mom to find out he was searching out jet bike components a few blocks away from home. Whatever the cause he asked me not to keep walking with him... and call me crazy but when a little kid on a bike says kind of loudly "Stop following me" I tend to feel a little creepy.

There were some neighborhood mom's on a porch nearby who kind of chuckled, they recognized the kid, this wasn't his first scavenger hunt. But they weren't sure where he lived exactly, but they could point "over there". Cash kept looking behind him to make sure I wasn't on his trail, and turned the corner. I didn't want to freak him out, but played the "what if" game for a few seconds before deciding to take a casual stroll in the general direction of "over there". To make sure he made it home, and maybe let his mom know of his exploits. I rounded the corner.

Nothing, Houdini on a two wheeler. He only had a block on me. I kept going in the same direction a few blocks and chatted up two other groups of moms on their porches. The second grouping had some info for me and also pointed "over there". But this time they pointed back the way I had come from, so simple triangulation of "over there A" and "over there B" meant that I was closing in and in a minute... well likely I was going to pop up, scare the crap out of a 5 yr old who would likely start yelling "I said stop following me!" Creep factor increased.

I closed in on the two to three houses I had it narrowed down to and saw Cash. He was with another little friend and they were running out of one home towards another. His friend was saying something about "let's ask your mom, if it is ok you can be at my house"... interesting. I was on the other side of the street, and tried to look casual approaching the defenseless 5 yr olds... creepy... Cash didn't seem to care but his friend seemed a little ill at ease. They were at Cash's front door and I said "Hey, I want to say hi to your mom too..." see, everything I could come up with sounded like a really creepy scary thing to say.. I made sure to stay out on the main sidewalk...

I was considering calling the mission completed, obviously he had made it home. I kind of wanted to let the mom know she had a wanderer on her hands, but maybe this was just normal kid stuff.... But while I was thinking about taking off I was realizing that the front door was locked, Cash couldn't open it, and knocking and ringing the bell wasn't bringing anyone to the door, and in my head I started playing round two of the "what if" game.

I saw which house the guys had come from, so I meandered in that direction... "Ask your mom if you can be over" sounded a lot like a parental directive. When I walked up towards the front step of that porch, the front door was open and a little wobbly one yr old ish little guy was coming down the sidewalk by himself... again, I'm bad at the age game, but he looked a lot younger than my two year old. I rang the doorbell and pretty quick a frantic mother came to the door and grabbed the baby... thanking me... for baby blocking I guess.

I told her my little story. She realized that her other son had left the door open. As I walked away I heard Cash's friend getting some instruction on not leaving the door open, and she was bringing Cash in on the gig.

I don't know the rest of the story... but really? This all took quite a while, and no one was freaking out looking for a kid that young? Locked doors? No answer? One of the moms who kind of knew where he lived had taken him home once after he just invited himself into their yard for a long time... she said the parents didn't seem too concerned...

I'm aghast and baffled, and admittedly totally inexperienced, but this just feels wrong.

But if I find any "black things to use on bikes for a jet pack..." I'll keep them handy just in case I guess...

When it rains

2010-08-02T00:49:00.003-06:00

I'm torn. I want to keep telling fun stories from MI, but there is so much going on right here right now, it seems wrong to not talk about it.

Michigan story number 2 was going to be about going to my Aunt's farm. It's basically organic and they sell everything at the farmer's market. It was beautiful, from a story book. Rolling fields that blurred into woods both of which were back drops to trellised herb gardens next to the rows of different berries. Lunch was served next to the green houses on big long tables next to wood clad barns and out buildings. It was stunning.

Michigan Story number 3 was going to explain how we ended up laughing so hard my mom did an honest "spit take" trying to drink her water as the sole surviving stylish chicken suffering from post traumatic stress disorder was dive bombing the window next to my sister's dining room table. How my sister went from raising some chickens to raising chicken, why Kristen and I sang taps in chicken speak, and why basting kittens feet with butter seemed ironic. I laughed so hard I got woozy.

But no, it's time to chat about our little uneventful weekend... It started off with firetrucks and ambulances and only got more interesting from there.

On Friday we went up to Salt Lake to visit with Greydon's Aunt Angela and to have a day at the pool. It was great, he loves swimming and even was kicking in the water doing a good impersonation of a swimmer. We called it a day and drove home.

As we are unloading the car I am hearing this repetitive beeping sound. It was four loud electronic beeps, pause repeat, pause repeat. Eventually we figured out it was actually coming from our house and was an alarm. When we opened up the door we could hear that the beep pause repeat beep pause repeat was accompanied by the phrase, "Warning, carbon monoxide", pause repeat. We had already learned that the smoke detectors were shockingly sensitive and that waving dishtowels underneath the one in the kitchen could be effective. So I go in and start waving whatever is at hand under whatever sensor is near, moving through the house keeping my eye open for some sort of flashing arrow pointing to whatever was causing our carbon monoxide levels to rise so threateningly, to no avail.

Meanwhile Kristen finds the non-emergent phone number for the local fire department. They advise her to exit the premise immediately and call 911. She does, and insists that I do the same. Greydon is still sleeping in the car. I realize I haven't finished my expedition for flashing arrows so while she isn't looking I sneak back in the house wave underneath a few more detectors and check the basement... no arrows. By now she is on the phone with 911, who dispatches the fire department we called originally, 911 also insists the house should remain vacated and start asking about our well being, headaches, sick to our stomachs, etc.

Let's just say Kristen encouraged an end to my interior expedition and we waited outside our beeping home.

We go wait outside, a firetruck eventually pulls up with three fire fighters, then an ambulance with two more. The nicest guys in the world. They go into the house with sensors galore and check out the whole place and can't find a trace of any kind of gas. They pull off one detector at time and narrow it down to the detector that is at the top of our vaulted ceiling. Nope, I don't have a ladder.. just a step stool.

They grab a ladder from the truck and a few hold the ladder in the middle of the room while another climbs it precariously, checks out the detector... basically no idea why it is going off at all. They reset the system, and encourage us to change our batteries just in case. Great guys by the way. They thought it was cool Greydon, who was awake by now, was wearing his fireman t-shirt. They take off.

We go about our evening, eat, put Greydon down, watch TV, and then BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP, warning Carbon monoxide. Of course every detector is going off ,Kristen goes to comfort Greydon while I pull off a few detectors with no results... and I know it has to be up in the vault again. I haven't purchased a ladder in the last hour so I grab the step stool and a broom handle and just can reach to reset the detector by pushing the button with the broom handle. First resetting it means that all of the piercing alarms go off, and then it cycles through, then it is silent and happy.

Until 15 minutes later... again, balance on stool, poke with broom, loud beeping and ringing... all good... until 15 minutes later... again, balance on stool, poke with broom, loud beeping and ringing...until 15 minutes later... again, balance on stool, poke with broom, loud beeping and ringing...until 15 minutes later... again, balance on stool, poke with broom, loud beeping and ringing......

I think it happened three to four times at various intervals. I knew I was going to have to get to that vault. So I get two dining room chairs and set them face to face, stack the step stool on top of those and scale the pile a la Wile E. Coyote mastermind, and take down the detector. I reset it and set it on the kitchen table... and five minutes later it starts all over again beeping and warning... I gut the detector of it's battery and it dies much to my pleasure. Of course now I get to play the "what if game" What if the over sensitive detector is right and the firemen are wrong? I have to go stand next to Greydon for a while and open his window before I can feel good about things. By now he was sleeping through the beeps bells and whistles. But the gutting works and the rest of the night passes without incident.

That was Friday. Saturday is a special day, so I know I want to keep getting the house more and more done. I start in the unfinished basement. Much got put down there and we've been using it as a staging area to sort and unpack. I get all of the Christmas decorations put under the stairs, continue to line up the empty luggage along one of the walls, put boxes and cartons of this category here and another category over there, all of the baby stuff that was too cool to give away over here, collapse down a bunch of boxes over there, make huge headway. Kristen has been working also of course, it's naptime so she goes to go lay down with Greydon, I get a bite to eat.... and head into the garage.

When we moved in the garage is where every question mark got put. There are garagey things mixed with luggage mixed with craft supplies, next to decor, next to "why did we keep that", next to who knows what. I dig in. We've already done a lot out there so it isn't long before I have gotten a ton done. I put most of it away in the basement in the appropriate area, or put things away now that we know where "away" is. By the time I'm too pooped to continue there is only stuff on either wall, I felt awesome. Kristen and Greydon come down from nap time, we eat, Kristen likes what she sees and eventually goes back upstairs, and then it starts raining.

It is cute, but when I was teaching Greydon what "rain" means I carried him out into it (not this time) and we put our hands out and caught the drops. This time he goes to the doors to the patio and keeps putting his hand out like he was going to catch the rain through the glass. Cute! It kept raining.. it was crazy, it started hailing, it rained so much I couldn't even see the back yard. It was amazing and cool and a little scary. Greydon kept saying "Wow" while we watched it.

Before too long it was already over and I saw that one of our patio chairs had blown over and was floating in the muddy back yard... then saw that the storm had even been strong enough to blow over our relatively heavy gas grill that was now laying on it's side half drowning in mud. I asked Kristen to get some shoes on to go help me get it standing right side up, she did, we do, and then we see it... and things all go to hell.

As we round the side of the house near where the grill was laying the first thing that catches my eye is that the air conditioner is not sitting level like it is supposed to. The concrete pad it sits on is falling into where our side yard used to be which is now a gaping hole, and as I follow the logical sight line I see the window well, but no basement window. This is a new house, so the basement windows are large 5 foot windows, and all that is there is nothing a big whole that used to be a window. Kristen turns around and runs inside and down to the basement, I grab a pile of towels on my way and I hear her crying as I am half way down the stairs. The stairs lead down to the opposite side of the basement away from the missing window, it's the other side of the house, and even this far from the missing window I can see muddy water that is half way up to the first step. I splash in and see that the entire basement is floating in ankle deep muddy water. I get over to where the window is supposed to be and Kristen is trying to stop the water fall that is still coming in with whatever she can find... my pile of towels is laughable and worthless.

To be honest I'm getting a little emotional even writing this down. It was such a kick to the gut, we had no idea what to even try to do next. I start grabbing anything made out of cardboard and put it on top of something made out of plastic. Kristen started looking for someone to call. I call our builder contact/realtor and a few random numbers looking for a sump pump that sounds like something I will eventually need and continue to stack boxes or pull out boxes too big to stack. I get a little wave of nausea as I start pulling out the biggest box. I know what is in there. We have a large clothing box full of clothing items that you just don't get rid of, and I know her wedding dress is in there. The bottom is disintegrating as I drag it up the stairs and into the garage where it wilts and sags to the left.

Our realtor shows up making frantic phone calls and immediately starts helping me pull out the most obvious things to save first.. half of which were safely in the garage just earlier that morning. I find out that Kristen's wedding dress was high enough on the hanger that only the storage bag got water in it, the dress itself seems fine. The same is certainly not true as I tote my 2002 Olympic bag out to the garage with water just streaming out of the bottom of it. I know my original uniform is soaked and anything paper is dead. I remember at that point starting to shut down, I didn't know which way to even turn. The water was still more than 4 inches deep, the basement was still full of soaking storage.

Someone came to our door. Apparently we were not the only house to have problems. The rain came so fast that we later found out 14 houses had some sort of flooding, almost all through flooded window wells. Our was listed later as the worse. Looking outside we figured out that not only was there too much water too fast, but the backfill around our foundation failed. When you build a home, you dig a huge hole, pour the foundation and basement, and then fill in around the foundation. Apparently that dirt wasn't compacted correctly, collapsed underneath the air conditioner, part of the patio, and along the side of the house. Then, all of that dirt and water went into our well blowing out the window. The window landed half way across the basement and shattered. The insulation around the inside of the window was even ripped from the wall.

The man who came the door was the local bishop. There were crews helping out where they could, finishing at one house and moving on to the other. Because ours ended up to be the worse, it needed the most work and took the longest. Eventually I think we had thirty people show up in less than an hour. They asked me what to do and I said let's empty it out. SO bucket brigades formed and they started taking out everything and anything.. ironically putting it all in the recently emptied garage. People brought in about five different shop vacs, would dump the water from the vac into buckets that were then passed through the windows, dumped, and returned for more water. I'm not positive of the time elapsed, but I'm pretty sure it was less than two hours and everything was out and the floor was as dry as you can get it with a shop vac. It was amazing, then they all went down three doors to another house that had two inches in their whole basement. It really was a freakish flash storm. We were even on the news, well our house was.

The builders seem to be accepting all responsibility for everything and already have arranged for a restoration company that has been ripping out drywall and insulation. It is an unfinished basement, but there was drywall cladding the stair well. The floors are all caked with mud, which will get washed down tomorrow. A temporary window has been put in and sometime tomorrow we meet with the builders to figure out how to get everything to the shape it should be in.

We haven't even had a chance to go to our new ward before this weekend, and it didn't matter. Neighbors are neighbors, and they saved us. I can barely wrap my head around what is waiting for us in the garage now. It is full, left to right floor to ceiling. I get a little sick to my stomach. I've seen some of the ruined art, memorabilia, posters, pictures. I don't know yet if the high water marks on the wood bassinet or high chair will wash off. I grabbed the quilt rack my grandfather made for me and engraved as one of the first things, I don't know if there will be any lasting damage. They are "things". I know that, but memories and feelings are attached to things. Nothing we have is garbage or junk. We got rid of so many things before we moved that most of what we have here now, with a few exceptions, were things we liked, things with a story. And now I have a garage full of sodden stories. They are just things, we'll be fine... things.

And only a day ago I was concerned with an over zealous smoke detector. I feel small. I feel powerless. I think that's a good thing actually, we could all probably do with a little shrinking every now and then.

Tomorrow scares me a little. It's time to start sorting.

Michigan Stories

2010-08-01T01:48:00.004-06:00

We got to "sleep" in our new house one night, and then we were off to the airport for a trip back home to Michigan that was planned before we stumbled across the idea of buying a home RIGHT NOW.

I have to tell some of the stories from our vacation so I can move on to some more recent stories... so I can blog about finally teaching full time when that starts happening. I'm guessing there will be some good material there.

But first, lets talk about back home to MI. We've all heard the line you can't go home, we have all heard a play on those words, but in all sincerity you can most certainly go home. Oh, you'll go crazy, that's for sure, but it can be done. We had fun and I am so thankful we were in a position to go for almost three weeks, it was great.

I'm not sure where to start, a chronological story line would be a mistake, we had a wonderful amount of down time that would not translate well to blog reading. We played cards and just visited and drove around frequently. So I think we should start out by talking about the driving.

Mom and Dad: I love you... there... now we can continue.

We didn't rent a car. We were going to hang out with my parents, they are retired, they have a great car, there was no need for a rental. So typically Kristen Greydon and I would be in the back seat while my parents were in the front. Dad would be driving while Mom... helped out... Just letting him know when he was going a little fast for her taste, and when he went just a tad energetically around the curve, or when he didn't prepare quite soon enough for the next curve, or when he started getting a little close to the middle line, or the outside line, or the car in front, back left or right of him, or when he missed the entrance to the parking lot, ooooor when he parked at the wrong angle, ooooooooor well, you get the idea.... This is one of those Mars Venus moments, I think it is a common thread in the universe, it is just very interesting to be a spectator now. I KNOW for a fact that my Mother hates riding with me as I zoom in and out of traffic hurtling through time and space at neck breaking speeds sometimes as much as an entire 5 miles over the speed limit. So I backed Dad up a few times, pointing out that currently the Amish buggy was gaining on us as we zoomed along and that some parking lots have more than one entrance. Then, I rode in the front seat. The roller coaster death ride from Hades. Most of the time I had my left hand with a death grip on the dashboard and my right hand clawing desperately for purchase over the door. I switched randomly between gasping, hiding my eyes and crying, punctuated by the random explicative. It was kind of like driving with a teenage gerbil on crack.

It wasn't always the actual driving that got my attention, sometimes it was the destination, often a tricky thing to figure out.

To illustrate: One of our first days there it was decided that the weather was not really "beach" weather, so we decided to just all run to the store for an outing. There would be plenty of days to go to the beach. So we grabbed Greydon's diaper bag ready, run, hop in the car, not a lot of time to prep, not much needed for a quick jaunt to the store. As we are driving we hear Mom asking Dad to just drive by the lake so we could take a look for fun. Lake MI is beautiful with amazing shore lines, it is always beautiful to drive by the lake. We knew we were not GOING to the lake, that had been clearly stated prior to departure, and we especially knew we would not be needing bathing shorts for Greydon since the weather wasn't exactly beach weather and there would be plenty of days to go to the beach. So as we start driving by the lake we stop; which is not usually part of "driving by" but no worries, we were obviously just pausing to take a nice long look at the lake before continuing on our... why are the doors opening. Ok, Mom and Dad are now out of the car at the lake, also not normally part of "driving by". Well, ok, MI beaches are pretty large, plenty of room to walk around without going swimming or getting wet. I take off my shoes, unbuckle Greydon and start to follow Mom and Dad who are just walking along the beach... uhm, in the water. So we are shadowing Grampa and Grandma walking in the water at the beach in the middle of our drive by just to see the lake on our way to the store because today was the day we were not going to the beach.. ok and now we are splashing with Greydon in the water, and, oh, well those shorts aren't really swim shorts, but uhm, I'm sure they will dry just fine... as we get back into the car to head home. We clarify that we are done for the day and we are just going to head back to the house, so we can just let him ride in the car seat in his diaper. His wet cargo shorts are drying in the trunk, we are heading home, and oh, uhm, apparently pulling in to get a quick bite on the way home. It was going to be a quick bite, they chose this place because it has a drive through, Greydon won't need to be "That" kid wandering around in his diaper in public. So we pull into the parking lot, pull right past the drive through, and uhm park..., and get out to order at the walk up window, at the place that was chosen for it's drive through, on our direct route to home, hence the undressed child, on our trip to the store because it wasn't really a beachy day. So, to recap. I'm standing next to some picnic tables and a jungle gym at a greasy spoon ice cream parlor with my half naked baby, holding his blanket around him like a toga at a frat party balancing a cone from hell that was melting faster than I could figure out how we got here on our way to the store, on a non beach day drive to the beach combing wading ice cream shop... and Kristen dropped her ice cream, and there is a sign saying they are not responsible for dropped ice cream, and the guy hoses down the sidewalk, in the middle of the other people standing in line waiting to order food, at the walk up window of the place with the drive through that we stopped at on our direct way to home after wading in the waves as we are driving by the lake to see it on the non beach day on our way to the store, that we never actually went to.... and then went home.

I could also relate the "Trip to the Amish store" that would need to be retitled "Michigan Hardware stores, a park, a pizzeria, and you."

We just started packing one of everything in Greydon's diaper bag.

2010-07-27T01:24:00.011-06:00

Greydon being propped next to Blue Bear, around two or three weeks old.

Why yes, the night nurses were a little crazy, lovely and crazy.

So, add two years....

2 going on 13..

"Showing" Blue Bear the Piano

"Showing" Blue Bear the camera

Your bear Sir

Sharing Blue Bear

Happy Birthday Blue Bear

Birthday Party THIS WEEKEND

2010-07-21T04:32:00.002-06:00

Originally we thought we would have a big combination house warming / birthday party... the house is really not ready to be warmed, but we wanted to still have Greydon's second birthday party.

Saturday 7-24
6pm

Light dinner, cake and ice cream

If you need directions just drop us a line.

I know second b-days are not as big of a deal as first b-days.. but we would still love to see everyone, maybe even offer a 5 cent tour in our non-warmed home...

We're back.!

2010-07-19T11:58:00.003-06:00

I've got so so much to post, but I think we have decided to hold off on hooking up internet at the new house until paychecks start rolling in after summer again... ergh, that sounds like so far away... I guess I should go unpack a box or hang a curtain anyway.

We're trying to decide if we can pull off a big birthday party this year or not, we are just holding onto sanity, or our version of it at least, by the skin of our teeth.

Can't believe he's already two years old.

Can't believe we are finally in our own place.

Can't believe I finally get to start teaching full time next year!

Wait, this was supposed to be a non-post, explaining the lack of posting vacation pics.... so... I'm outta here

KEYS

2010-06-23T15:40:00.001-06:00

2010-06-19T12:27:00.001-06:00

The number 5

2010-06-12T09:02:00.004-06:00

5... the time in the morning Greydon has decided is a good time to start the day

5... the number of days we have been starting at this lovely new schedule

5... the number of things we try to offer in quick succession to a grumpy two year old

5... the number of steps it takes to start eating something.. 1.) he says he wants it 2.) he cries when you give it to him 3.) you sneak it in his mouth anyway 4.) he spits it out 5.) he happily takes the next bite

5... the number of army men and magnets I stepped on this morning

5... the number of TV shows that could film in our home 1.) Hoarders... our living room is scary 2.) Nanny 911... I'm sure this is all my fault somehow 3.) The Amazing Race... always working on finding the next clue 4.) Storm Chasers... Greydon's new nick name is storm.... 5.) Holmes on Homes... I'm guessing we are making some horrible mistake someone is going to have to fix a year into the new house

5... The number of bins of toys that are strewn across the living room, hall and nursery... I need bigger bins

5... the number of times Greydon repeats something before we start to figure out what this new word might be... Poptart= babot drink=used to be drink... but for some reason now it is just Dee or duh... Computer= brey brey... I have no idea Waffle= wa wa Water= wa wa ... but it sounds totally different

5... the number of circuits around the house trying to figure out what the new word might be when the last step fails completely

5... The seconds it takes my hear to melt when he gives me an unsolicited kiss or hug

5... The number of times we laugh per minute at the simplest of things... he started shoulder shrugging as a response now... hilarious...

5... The number of letters he is currently correctly identifying by site and another 5 by sound... this number might be a little low... but you have read the title of the blog yes?

5... He can almost count to 5... but it's touch and go currently

5... The number of places he has hidden a shoe or a flip flop today alone.. we still haven't found the black one..

5... The number of emotions expressed in a 10 second span

5... The number of magnets that just got thrown down the stairs to watch them bounce

5... The number of days we have gone without using a baby gate... we hear it's time

5... The number of weeks we have gone without giving him a bottle.. this was hard on us only, he didn't even notice...

5... The number of applications per day of eczema cream

5... The number of items he just took back out of the drawer

5... The number of times I put those same three books on the book shelf this morning alone
5... The minimal amount of kisses applied in quick succession per kiss... you get the idea...

Cabinets and boiling vinnegar pits

2010-06-05T21:24:00.003-06:00

The yard sale is over, man those are a lot of work. It's interesting to be happy to have stuff gone mixed with the knowledge that I probably gave out too many discounts. Some of the bigger stuff, like the desk, or the great window air conditioner we had to buy, didn't sell. We'll see if we can sell a few of the last things on KSL. DI got a huge donation today.

I find it interesting how often we get reminded of our own weaknesses. I am consistently reminded that I have to learn to keep my reactions and anger under control. When I feel disrespected or condescended to I just turn into a boiling lava pit of anger and vinnegar... so we took a drive to give myself time to calm the heck down. Someday I'll be a calm, peaceful soul.... well, that's the goal anyway right.

The great thing was that of course we drove out to the house. The hard surface flooring is all in and the cabinetry is all up, and the painting is all done. It's fun to see it start to look like a house.

To save some money we had them just paint everything white, so it is a bit of a blank canvas right now.

Another weakness I know I need to work on is my pessimism. I have the hardest time letting myself get excited about something, anything really. I am always worried that it wont work out in the end, and getting all excited just makes the disappointment that much worse. So there is this nagging fear every time I see the house that something wont work out with financing. They keep assuring me that everything is great, but until we've signed the closing I think I am going to have this churning pit of acid standing in in the role of my stomach.

Moving Sale

2010-06-04T11:13:00.004-06:00

Where: Lehi House

When: Saturday June 5th

7am - whenever

Selling a couple of kitchen tables, lamps, a hall table, a solid mahogany library table (side table), couple of bikes, a tent, lots of cds and movies, lots of decor items, a desk, a couple of beds, a head board... and who knows what else....

I have no idea how I'm getting the heavy stuff out to the yard... Kristen's back is still all wonky... so if anyone is really bored around 6am on Saturday morning... I'll be the one with a desk strapped to my back, crippled on the basement stairs moaning...

Happy Memorial Day-- kinda

2010-05-31T08:50:00.003-06:00

Little things happen throughout a normal day that make me smile when I imagine putting them into writing. And then a few hours or a couple of days pass and what seemed like a great opportunity for a clever play on words is a foggy recollection at best. So, my blog lingers dusty and forlorn.

Memorial day would be a perfect opportunity to thank the countless young men and women who find it worth their life for me to wander and ponder. It would be a great time to honor by name all of my relatives who have served in the military. It would be appropriate to count my many blessings.

So, instead, I will talk about gnats.

It is slightly surprising at the beginning of every summer when Kristen and I actually have more than two minutes to spend together. Typically one of us is arriving in time for the other to take off. The last couple of days have been nice. Kristen is still mid-decompression from one of her crazier years, but I think yesterday I saw her jaw unclench for a second. We've even had time to take a couple of walks with Greydon.... TOGETHER.... I know, the luxurious summer life awaits!

We wanted to take a walk yesterday, and wanted to go up to Angela's place for the afternoon. We figured we would wait and go for a walk up her way, the whole killing multiple birds, one stone thing. There were a couple of choices of where to stroll... we settled on a park that was a short drive away.

The park had a path that wound around a pond, there were ducks, geese, and most importantly goslings. We went after dinner so there was a slight breeze in the air and the sun was soft. Now if I was a "glass half full" kind of guy this would be a great place to stop. If you have met me you may realize that I'm not exactly a card carrying member of the Polyanna Glad Game Guild.

This little pond was trying to tout the title of Lake.. which is just sad. It was a puddle, actually it was backwater formed from the dumping of ten or so different drainage ditches, or creeks if you are from Utah.

The first real sad moment was when the mommy and daddy goose where walking with their adorable, seriously adorable, fuzzy little babies along the edge of the water that was so litter strewn it caused me to purse my lips and shake my head, yep, that bad. Litter was mainly between the path and the water where you wouldn't walk anyway, so it wasn't being picked up by park maintenance staff.

I want to know how a surgical glove ends up littering a fake pond? Was someone driving by and thought... ooh, I need to get rid of this glove I've been holding onto. Did someone accidentally drop it while pulling a hankie out of their pocket, or crackers out of a snack bag? Are they going to go put it on later and wonder where they dropped it? Is someone performing medical procedures pond side? I have to hazard a guess that anyone willing to perform medical procedures in that arena wouldn't be preoccupied with proper hand washing and glove useage. Is there a medical facility dumping their waste illegally... one glove at a time?

Greydon loved watching the birds eat the bread Angela brought. It was funny that feeding the ducks turned into a seagull pandemic Alfred Hitchcock would be proud of.

Half way around the lake as we stepped over the culvert and waved to the cars on the freeway Greydon was getting a little done. The solution, ingenious, was that Kristen and Angela would collect larger rocks from the path, dump them on his tray, which he could then redistribute evenly as we walked along. By the time we were 3/4 of the way around the backwater, passing the 20 foot tall razor topped security fencing that surrounded the detention center ... (yep)... the rocks were no longer interesting enough. As soon as we pointed out the car and mentioned going back to Aunt Angie's place he was happy... even through the clouds of gnats. Maybe gnats aren't mosquitos, but they still bite.. proven by my neck this morning. If mosquitos carry West Nile virus.. what do gnats carry? I'm going to be mad if I break out in Monkey Pox or something...

So, the moral of the story? happy Memorial Day, may your monkey pox not require the use of a latex glove.

Here's a cute pic of Greydon... he's 13 now.

A tid and a bit

2010-05-15T21:00:00.004-06:00

No one could have explained what it feels like to watch your baby walk INTO the room. There is a clash of pride and sorrow.

We took Greydon to his first carnival. We rode the train, I was scared I was going to bust the little hitch that was keeping our little car attached, or flip the thing backwards maiming the kid sitting in the front half our little car. The thing was made of tinfoil but I didn't quite trust that Greydon would just sit down for the whole ride... I perched with one cheek on the side of the seat the whole time tring to keep this big boy over the axle as much as possible.

He also loved the swing ride. I am very glad he looks like me, because he certainly didn't get that from me. Kristen and I figured he was still too small for the bouncy cage thing. Aunt Ang gave it a try anyway. He loved the idea of it but I think we'll wait until next year's b-day to rent one of our own.

I'm excited and sad for next weekend. It will be my last ballroom concert at Lehi, maybe for a long time. I have a huge belief in the power of a simple ballroom class to empower youth. There's something about connecting with eachother, set to music in a world ruled by chivalry that is impossible to explain unless you've been there. I would vote that it be less competitive in this valley, it seems a shame to taint such a great coming together of humanity and art with trophies and places. Still, I've had such a great irreplaceable opportunity to be creative and foster the creativity of so many. It will be sad to see it end. Every year I know the concert will be better than anything that has preceded it. Again, I am so proud that the kids have by far reached amazing and new heights. Now if I can keep from hyperventilating until it is over...

Redbox. Sometime there is nothing. A collection of yuck that no one else wanted. Then sometimes there are about three things that all seem worth watching for a dollar. Sometimes I have been incorrect. Sometimes.. perhaps tonight, I realize that I just paid more than a buck because it's been 5 days and I just saw the last one still sitting next to the TV... Redbox Redbox Redbox...

You know when you wake up peacefully, with some light streaming through the windows, birds singing in the background, stretching and breathing in deeply to start a new day that in any second the pure terror will set in that this is just wrong and the alarm clock should have scared you to death awake a long time ago.

I've seen my new classroom... it's big, and light and new and perfect...

House

2010-05-13T20:41:00.002-06:00

The new house is far enough along already to walk through, which is pretty dang fun.

For those about to Rock

2010-05-08T10:02:00.003-06:00

We listen to the radio some at home, not constantly, but some. Instead I often play a cd but more often I think Kristen and I both enjoy the novelty of quiet. Because we don't play it constantly it is not a big deal that I've never plugged the wire in the back that is supposed to help with reception. This morning as we tackled a couple of small packing projects and try to put the house back together at the end of the week, a little background music was welcome. I hit the search button and ended up on K-something, it might be K-luv.. It is a Christian Rock channel, but is not big hair guitar screaming ROCK. The style of music they are playing is very current and even the cynic that churns inside of me can't really find anything to mock.

I find myself wondering why it is often not part of the LDS culture to listen to Christian rock... or is it for a lot of Mormons and I am the odd man out. As Kristen and I chat one theory Kristen presented was that maybe Christian Rock feels irreverent on some level... that we are more prone to worship through music than rock out about Jesus. So far the music hasn't felt too irreverent, so I'm not so sure. I can see wanting a little more variety the longer it plays, but I'm not hating it.

Part of LDS teaching is that though many draw close to Christ, which is always the goal and impressive, that there can only be one complete gospel. That God can not contradict Himself. I know for a fact that many of us get too comfortable in that teaching. We combine it with the knowledge that the world in general is embracing too much that is evil and shunning that which is holy, calling it outdated, and find ourselves alone in an overgrown garden behind a rock wall that we pray holds against the coming tides. I think we are too quick to ignore our brothers and call it "not being worldly".

So, I have to wonder, why don't I listen to other Christians putting there testimonies of Christ and Heavenly hope to music. Every time they use verbage that is not part of our culture am I bothered because it is against my belief structure, or am I just as conceited as the world likes to paint us and don't want reminders that there is a whole big world out there?

As a disclaimer, I love the teachings of my church and am very proud to be Mormon. But every culture has uncomfortable truths that are better confronted then ignored, we are all aware of them. I also think it is a little weird to be one of "those" Mormons who are so removed from the world it is almost like they are backward. It's a fine line to me.

So, here's my question, is Christian rock simply unfamiliar, or does it not fit into the LDS culture, or is everyone else already listening to it.

Either way, as Greydon gets older I think my radio listening is going to have to diminish 80 fold... so far my choices are K-luv or Disney Radio.

Ok, as I am editing this I just heard the first two songs that made me a little uncomfortable. One would take too long to explain my lack of comfort. The other ended with a chorus of a lady singing "Jesus, Jesus, Jeeesuuuuaaauuaaauuas, a la Mariah Carey type of warbling. That will quickly get a channel changed. Maybe Kristen is right.

Police cars, Pedometers, and Puking... all caught up now

2010-05-05T22:24:00.001-06:00

The last time that I blogged after a substantial pause I ended up posting an encyclopedic episode that bordered on the insane in length. To avoid a similar outcome I will fight every innate impulse to embellish a list of recent facts and happenings with overwrought turns of phrase. So, bare bones... here it is.

1.) I accepted an internship for next year.

2.) I will not return to LHS.

3.) I will no longer be teaching ballroom.

4.) My last dance concert is on May 21st and 22nd at 7pm... it is going to be an amazing show... hint hint

5.) The Mazda 5 only has one physical key hole, it is on the driver's door.

6.) My keyless entry system never worked since we bought the car a couple of years ago.

7.) It was not worth a few hundred dollars to have the remote key replaced.. for half that I would happily still just use the key.

8.) A popular method of breaking into a car is to take a screwdriver or similarly shaped object and slam it into the key hole with a hammer.

9.) Even when the handle is broken and the key hole is now laying somewhere inside the door, the Mazda locking system keeps the car locked.

(did I mention only one keyhole?)

10.) Not all police officers can open all cars with a slim jim.

11.) If you need to break into your own car call Brent Brown, the guy who runs their towing service didn't charge me the $20, figuring my day was already going down hill.

12.) Kristen does not like being baby puked on, three times in a row... weekly.

13.) It's either reflux returning or the asparagus.

14.) The Southern UT Ballroom tour we took the dance team on was amazing, so wonderful it was almost spiritual.

15.) We talk a lot about respect in Ballroom, it's a sport born from chivalry.

16.) I about cried with pride when my boys started, without being asked, to offer their arms and escort the little grannies who were shuffling past on their way to take a seat for our show.

17.) Walking in on two teenagers making out is uncomfortable for everyone...

18.) We now own a foundation and by Monday will own a frame.

19.) By mid June we should be residents of Saratoga Springs.

20.) We will actually be residents of Eagle Mountain, literally on the border of Saratoga Springs.... but Eagle Mountian could mean that weird area another 50 miles away called city center... I'm sorry, but it creeps me out out there... Maybe I will tell people we are moving to Saratoga Mountain... or Eagle Springs...

21.) We were not planning on buying... but everything kept falling into place to the point of being hit over the head with star alignment. More details would fall dangerously close out of the bare bones definition.

22.) I live away from most of my family

23.) That bites.

24.) The family that is close I have not had time to visit almost since I started school and they probably have disowned me

25.) When taking Greydon to visit grandparents in Grand Junction, CO a cousin who lives in Denver drove four and a half hours to come visit us.

26.) Ben rules.

27.) No more classes at UVU... well one little one while I intern, I just got my grades all A's and one B... I'll take it

28.) I look to graduate suma cum something or other... that should mean I know if it is suma or summa... but I don't...

29.) I have even started doing a little packing already... I don't normally tout a "Prepared" banner

30.) We will be having a huge yard sale full of good stuff, furniture included

31.) I have to find a washer, dryer, fridge, whose price makes me happy and quality doesn't scare me... Fridge... check... washer and dryer... not so much yet...

32.) Wearing a pedometer makes me want to walk more..

33.) Strolling around Walmart can earn the couple of thousand steps I am short for a day.

34.) Not wearing the pedometer equals instant reversion

35.) Parking on the far side of the parking lot can earn a few hundred extra steps

36.) Not wearing the pedometer, parking close to the Mall entrance next to a huge truck that blocks your car from view means that someone tries to break into your car

37.) I take it as a sign that I should not purchase the Sears washer and dryer

stupid spam

2010-03-17T16:56:00.002-06:00

I'm getting a bunch of spam comments... I'm tempted to shut down the comments, but that's one of the fun parts of blogging... I'm afraid to require people to get invited, it's a pain and has made me stop following a few blogs...

Woah! Ha ha, laughing hard... I just re-read this post and had a very unfortunate typo up there where I said "shut down the comments"... whew, apparently I need to proof-read closer!...

Tree be gone

2010-03-06T12:21:00.001-07:00

There is a tree in our front yard that has been leaning enough I have been trying to decide how best to convince the landlords that it might be better to remove it.

Dear Sudden and Abnormal Snowfall, thank you for removing the need for that conversation.. and the tree.

My wife called her aunt who is one of the owners, she said she would send someone to cut it up and remove it.

But people in our church have already come over, cut it all up and taken it away to the green dump, without being asked.

I was touched.

Luckily the tree was smaller than I though or we would have had to get our car un crunched, but it just barely missed the car when it fell over.

Fine... Honesty blah blah

2010-03-06T09:34:00.006-07:00

So I guess I have to finally share some stories from the cruise...

I have been putting off writing too much about the cruise because I have this annoying little habit I blame on my parents of being all honest and stuff. It is highly over-rated, especially when I have to admit that I am not as cool as I like to think that I am. But, let's go with a chronological story fest from the cruise... Forced honesty will likely bubble to the surface towards the end.

I don't think I am going to bother trying to keep things brief. I like rambling on and on and on. If you hate reading people ramble on an on and on, you are likely already a little annoyed and I am surprisingly ok with that.

If you scroll past this crazy long post you will see a few pictures, Angelas blog has some good ones also.

You may need to take a lunch break, or a nap, to be able to read all of this... good luck.

I found out as the boat was pulling off the dock in Tampa that things were not going well back in Lehi. My poor Co-coach was left to deal with the ballroom team all on her own. We have been getting our big competition pieces ready all year long. Nationals is this coming week, but while I was gone they went to our first competition in Idaho. There was some teenager being a teenager that was causing some issues. I felt bad that I wasn't there to help. As we pulled out of the canal of Tampa my phone battery was starting to go dead and I knew that I didn't want to incur international charges, so I intentionally turned off the phone, put it in our cabin and didn't recharge it. I didn't trust myself.

I've only been on one other cruise, and everything felt perfect. SO it made sense that I was going to be comparing the two different experiences. Now, don't get me wrong, I have very little interest in the gums of a gifted horse. We were away from work and school and snow on a big fancy boat and a big chunk of the cost was averted, so I know when to be grateful. However, I must say, Royal Caribbean will trump a Carnival cruise every time.

One of the highlights of the cruise was on that first day. We had been trying to get Greydon's hair cut before we left, but could never make our schedules work. So we took him to the on ship salon and they did a great job. They fawned all over him. They were all single young ladies from all over the world playing and talking to him the entire time. It was so fun.

We met our server the first night, a really nice guy from Bolivia named, well pronounced, Lubo. He would always bring multiple dishes of things that looked good, so that was fun. The cruise director and her staff on this cruise were amazingly bad at their jobs. They all seemed grumpy all of the time. But again, it's hard to remain disappointed for too long when you can walk up on deck nine, get a free ice cream cone and watch the water almost notice your passing.

Our first stop was supposed to be Grand Cayman. We were going to go back to see the Stingrays again just so Greydon could see them. The weather was bad enough that the port master didn't think it was safe to take the required little tenders from the big boat across the bay into the docks. So, we missed that and had an extra day on the boat.

Our first stop ending up being Cozumel, Mexico in the middle of a huge rainstorm. By the time this day was over I was looking around corners and underneath anything that could be concealing a hidden camera. Belize was to be my first salt water scuba dive. This is what I had been waiting for all along.

I got my dive bag all packed up, put on my swim shirt and a t-shirt over it, since it is designed to be a little tight, and headed off down the dock. I met up with the tour guide company amidst a drizzle and ugly skies. I asked them if this weather was going to permit us to go ahead and take the dive. I knew we had to board a small boat to go out to the dive site. They said, oh sure, this was just a little cloudy, no problem. We walked over to the tax stand and the three of us who showed up loaded into the van to head off to the dive shop.

Ten minutes later "cloudy" was pelinting off of the windshield as our death defying taxi driver tried to set a new land speed record through big roads, little roads, paths, and driveways. We ended up at a resort out of which the dive shop operated.

We got out the van and were pointed down a brick driveway in the general direction of a number of small buildings. I had cloudy now running into my eyes and was walking through puddle of clouds that were ankle deep already. The tour company works with more than just the cruise lines, so there were some other guests under a small awning next to the counter of the outside dive shop standing around. We were told to go around the back of the building, to get our gear. THe gear seemed in pretty good shape, but there were no ceilings or roofs anywhere. I was soaked to the bone. It was honestly just pouring. I kept wiping my forehead off as the water streamed into my eyes, trying to see where I was going.

As I made it back to the counter were other potential divers huddled I glanced down the rocky meandering path that eventually ended abruptly at a small dock which housed a pitching and rolling.. skiff?... skow?.. the honor of "boat" just seems to grandiose of a title. There was a 5x5 sheet of blue tarp elevated over one end that was certainly not going to offer any protection from the elements, "cloudy or not". I stood there wearing my back pack of gear, holding my dive vest in one hand and the regulator in the other as my hair product leaked into and burned my eyes with my t-shirt just plaster to my body and water pouring off of the bottom of said t-shirt, shorts, nose, anything that had a bottom for something to run off and thought to myself "really?" I think I mumbled something close to "Welcome to paradise."

The other two divers, more experience older guys, had already made their way towards the boat, and being inexperienced I was guessing I should do the same, though this didn't feel right, or fun for that matter. That's when I heard the dive masters talking to the guests of some surrounding hotels rescheduling their dive, tellin gthem it would be miserable to dive that day and no one would want to dive in this kind of weather. That's when I turned away from the rocky path leading to the pontoon of doom and asked to be taken back to the ship.

They passed me off to one guy who informed me that it was still pretty underwater, but he was pretty nice about it, I think he had a hard time sounding that convincing. They walked me back to the front gates of the compound and we started waiting for a taxi again. There was no point trying to find shelter, I couldn't get any wetter, even if I had actually dove. The first cab, another van, left without me saying there was only one of me and he didn't want to get his seats wet. Another 15 minutes later two taxi cabs came revving and zooming into view. The old chevy suburban cab driven by a very angry older woman intentionally skidded in first to block the path of the newer minivan cab driven by the incredulous 20 something year old. I don't speak their language, but some things transcend language barrier. She was chewing him out driving forward and backward across the driveway not letting him in. After he drove away she rolled up her window ,yelled into her radio for awhile, ignoring the two staff members from the hotel who went to talk to her, and then zoomed off, without me.

The employees just shrugged not knowing what that was all about, and we started waiting again.

Another employee came by carrying some money bags and gave the guy working the front booth a huge roll of cash... and then shlumped away down the gravel drive.

Another minivan cab came up eventually, and as the hotel employee gave him a twenty and told him which pier to take me to, I glanced around for the hidden cameras before getting into the back.

There was one point where the minivan took a turn down a surprisingly small and unkept road and I thought to myself, great... my mother was right, I'm going to be mugged and dumped. But it was just a short cut back to the main road.

Of course by the time I was getting back to the ship the rain started breaking, but didn't stop all together. I eventually convinced the excursion desk that I deserved a refund, they refunded everything except for the taxi rides.

Paradise Dive No. 1... not so much.

The next day we pulled into Belize. It was still overcast, but not raining. This was not supposed to be a dive day. We had planned to just go into town and see what there was to see.

Belize is actually below sea level, but they are protected by a very large barrier reef. This means that the cruise ships can't get very close and we had to take a 20 minute ride on small boats called "tenders" to get to shore.

I love Kristen. Kristen was raised in the desert. Kristen does not like big boats. Kristen really does not like less than big boats. This boat held around 50 people, so it wasn't exactly tiny. Through choked back tears she asked me to try to explain why she was so terrified, I made a couple of attempts but let her just ball up in panic and tears until we got to shore. Now don't get me wrong, I would've been happy to suggest we stay on the ship, but this was out of the question, and being the strong person she is, she knew she would just bite the bullet and do it.

When we got off the boats there was not much to see. You had to take a taxi to town, or take another boat to various smaller islands for the day just off shore. As the other members of the party were discussing this possibility with the different hawkers trying to get us to go to their private beaches I kept telling them it was not an option for Kristen to get back on ANOTHER boat to go someplace else. But for the sake of the greater good Kristen found her self volunteering to be boated to a private beach and snorkeling since the main land, being below sea level really didn't have beaches and she wasn't interested in shopping in town.

Do you remember how desert girl doesn't like less than large boats... now she was stepping off of the pier into a small boat. Open, just an outboard motor and a guy standing on a milk crate to see up and over the bow. There were twenty of us who paid to go to the private resort, and most of us paid a little extra to use the snorkeling equipment.

For the ride over we put on Greydon's adorable little life jacket and I held him as Kristen hid in the back of the boat because she didn't want Greydon to see her being scared.

15 minutes later we pulled up to the private... well, resort? It was humorously rustic, but was beautiful in it's own way. The small pink building housed a kitchen they called a restaurant and a lady offering to braid your hair was stationed on the porch. A speaker was playing a crackling music station louder than it was designed as the less than fresh chaise lounge chairs lined a little lagoon on a little burp of sand.

We only found out once we got there that those of us, Kristen included, who paid extra to snorkel would be getting BACK on Kristen's least favorite method of transportation ever to be tendered out to the barrier reef to snorkel. We left Greydon with Grandma and Kristen walked to her doom. Let's just say that the Germans were staring at the balling girl in the back with terrified and startled looks in their eyes.

Snorkeling was fun, we saw little fishies galore. Kristen breathed herself into calmness and enjoyed it by the end. It was fun to swim around holding onto hands with her as we pointed out little thises and thats. She didn't cry on the way back to the private resort for an hour of playing in the lagoon with Greydon. He LOVED it. And no tears on the way back to the mainland or back to the ship.

Unfortunately we foundout we are horrible parents and didn't put on enough sun screen and baby got burned... he never really complained, but we felt judged the rest of the trip as everyone apparently felt the need to comment on our poor little lobster baby. He only peeled a little on his nose. By the end of the cruise we were happy that he just looked like he had a birth mark. It's all better now. Kristen and I are still peeling.

Ok, back to stories.

The third day was supposed to be my second dive. This was the island of Roatan, Honduras. As I walked off the ship, onto a dock. My breath was taken away as I stepped into the most beautiful place I have ever been. We were in a private bay of an island covered in hills and trees that melted into white beaches lined with paln trees. I said to no one in particular, "now THIS is what I signed up for." I met a different tour company with more divers and went to the taxis stand. We had a lovely drive through this magnificent place full of poverty next to lavishness amid a Tropical Eden.

We went to a resort that actually looked like a resort. It was stunning. Next to the docks were bungalos on stilts in the crystal blue water. We got onto our nice big dive boat and got all of our equipment ready to go. Some of us jumped off the back of the boat to make sure everything was working properly before getting out to the dive site. The water was only 6 feet deep but I none the less got surprisingly concerned as I jumped in. my heart is starting to race again just thinking about it.

I forced my self to go underwater and test out the weights in my vest. They didn't work properly and I added more on the way out to the dive site. It was a very short boat ride. As we got there, just off the shore on a reef I stopped noticing the postcard setting and really wanted the boat to stop rocking as my stomach started doing churning flip flops. They threw a bunch of chum of the back of the boat and 3 foot long somethings churned the water enjoying the treat... they were harmlesss.

As I jumped in the water that was a color that belonged in a box of crayola my heart went crazy, my stomach tried to get out of my mouth and my lungs shrunk to the size of peanuts. I could barely get myself to look down into the water through my dive mask, the regulator felt foreign and misfitting and I wanted to run away. I couldn't do it. My heart kept racing faster and faster.

As everyone started their descent I just bobbed their in tears. This is where I wish I felt good about telling lies. I never got over it. Someone else started freaking out also but ended up diving only 20 feet down instead of 80. I couldn't bring myself to push the button that let the air out of my vest and would make me sink. There was no boat to come and get me so I just bobbed there instead I eventually started throwing up and calling for sharks to come and eat me.

I felt like an idiot. I had always wanted this, I was thrilled to take lessons and get my awesome equipment. I was in the most beautiful place in the world and couldn't push a half inch button to release a few pounds of air. I am not sure of this was the low point or if it was the night before when a stranger convinced me to try and Karoake and I realized I sucked at that to.

About 45 minutes to an hour later, the dive group was back and we loaded up the boat and went back in to refill up the tanks. I did not get back o nthe boat and took another cab ride of failure back to the ship.

From here we headed for home on rough seas. They are already talking about the next cruise... I looked around for another hidden camera.

We had time to waste in Tampa before the flight left so we took an historical trolley to a recommended historical little portion of town nearby called Ybor city. Apparently it is still owned by Cuba and used to be the center of cigar manufacturing in the world. It fell on hard times and is now being revitalized with shops and restaurants. The trolley driver suggested a place to eat called Hamburger Mary's. The is where we started to figure out who had been revitalizing the area of Ybor. The waiters were all surprisingly.... not macho... the entire interior was purples and feather boas, the names of the dishes on the menu were all very clever and would have made my mother blush and the bill was brought to us in a red patent leather pump. It was great food. We passed a poster on the way back to the trolley that boasted "GaYboy City" amidst a rainbow triangle... So much for Trolley Car Driver's recommendations...

The plane ride home was... interesting. We had hoped to be bumped to get some more free tickets. At the Tampa airport they said they were overbooked and would likely need volunteers, but at the last minute changed their mind and we all rushed onto the plane... before potty breaks. We were barely in the air and I made a dash to the potty before the seat belt sign was turned off. That wasn't really reacted to much. But I had the same need as we started our descent. Apparently if you try to use th potty at that time you get yelled at. They were mad, I yelled back telling them not to talk to me like that. They made me stay in the bathroom until we landed. I then regretted "staying hydrated" all week long. Luckily they didn't call the air marshal, but I felt pretty stupid again. This trip was NOT helping my cool-o-meter in any way.

Well, if you are still reading this you have too much time on your hands, or have come back a few times to finish. We made it back. Teenagers got worse before they got better nut my co coach handled it, though tears were shed, and not by the teenager. I have a million things that feel all backed up and deadlines that are breathing down my neck. But I think by now most of it is all worked out.

My students did great in Idaho, I haven't failed out of any classes yet. But I'm going to push for a good old fashioned plane ride that lands next to a beach for the next trip. I wasn't raised in a desert and even I have seen enough water to last me for a little while.

2010-03-06T09:07:00.001-07:00

if the first day is any indication....

2010-02-20T22:09:00.005-07:00

We flew out this morning after a night that included late night packing and throngs of policemen and dogs combing our property after someone called in a suspicious person report... so the beginning of the day made me a little nervous as how this was going to go.

Luckily being in the center of a man hunt was not a glimpse of things to come and everything has been wonderful.

This is already our second time flying with our little world traveler. But flying with a 19 month and a 12 month child are very different animals... especially when the 19 month has no experience being confined to a miniscule chair in coach for four hours. We never reached the "who the crap's kid is that screaming" stage, but he certainly let us know periodically his true thoughts on the matter.

Nap? Ha.

But we got to the hotel tonight relatively unscathed and our room is palatial. It is wonderful, spancious, on the main floor, great view of fountains, pools, ponds, and water fowl of all sort. Grandma Robbins took him on a little walk, a beautiful evening.

To cap off a wonderful intro to our trip I got to go out to dinner with an old high school friend as I flit through Tampa. A nod to today's facebook technology.

Kristen, Greydon and I ate a great steak with a good friend, Tammy from back in the day. It was great catching up. I was especially struck by how different my perceptions of reality stack up against another reality. I love seeing things from a different point of view and it was thrilling to talk to a teenage friend after 18 years. I was simultaneously morose over my own self centered approach to adolescence, and fascinated watching an adult version of someone who has lived in my memory as a 17 year old.

(Tammy is the one who isn't 6 feet tall... and is standing on her own)
Now Kristen is fast asleep and drugged (she's sick, why? because it's vacation and that's just how things go of course) with Greydon curled up with her in a beautiful room, my soul and thinker have gotten a workout and a good stretch, ahhhhh

Tomorrow we go get on the boat, but already I'm glad I came.

Oh, If anyone sees a "bald man" skulking around our house... maybe call a cop...

To post or not to post, to whine or to simper

2010-02-08T09:52:00.004-07:00

There have been a couple of little things worth mentioning in a blog. They were kind of funny but not worth turning myself into someone who only observes and comments on the negative. Have you ever felt like that? Like you just don't want to be one more person complaining about one more thing? It's a delicate balance, those people who just have to find something positive to say or only talk about how sweet and wonderful everything is feel just as skewed to me. I think we have all read those blog posts that make you want to make wretching vomity noises as we roll our eyes, or am I the only one? There is a blog that I enjoy reading on which the author just talks about her regular day and accidentily inspires me to be better without even realizing it. I love that kind of reality, the accidental kind.

So often we are so rushed to get to the next appointment, the next class, finish the next assignment, get whatsit done by whosit's deadline that I think we forget to even notice reality. I wonder if that is why the negative stuff is so much easier to notice. The little positive things that happen all around us get trampled or lost in the background of a shouting rushing frenetic pace we all have taught ourselves to call normal. And then we force ourselves to count our blessings like we have been taught to do, but it comes off as fake or insincere because we didn't notice the blessings as we were running hither or thither and had to go back and ponder and contemplate to be able to count them.

I know we all can count our blessings and I am not saying we are ungrateful, but I bet that most people could list off ten things, people or situations that bugged them, made them sad, or got their blood boiling faster than they could rattle off 10 little things that happened in the last couple of days that made them smile. But I wonder how many people feel they could never actually state that something bugged them because they feel too pressured into being perfect all of the time.

I took some mental health days off of church this last month. I know, shocked gasps of finger pointing damnation right? I'm just trying to put my keyboard where my mouth is here as I pratt on about honesty. I shouldn't be that honest, I mean someone might actually read this and know that I actually made the naughty decision, and really enjoyed lounging around at home. And you know what, my car is dirty too, and our house is clean in the living room, but the bedroom is a wreck.

I had a deep conversation with a buddy of mine about what is real and what we are taught to say is real. I wonder how much pressure we put on ouselves unnecessarily. And again, to be honest, I totally had to look up how to spell unnecassirily.

Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I've been walking too willingly under my own little rain cloud during the last month.

Last night Greydon coughed himself awake and didn't want to fall back asleep. When I picked him up out of his crib he nuzzled my neck. I Smiled. But then he was still a little restless so I took him to Kristen and he snuggled right in with her perfectly content. It was touching. Smile.

The precipice of precedent

2010-01-26T10:18:00.006-07:00

Yesterday posed an interesting dilemma. Currently we have a great babysitter that comes to our house on most of the days we need someone, but yesterday we needed a different solution. Instead of taking him somewhere and causing him undue stress, which just breaks my heart, I figured I would go through a little stress and take him to class at UVU with me once. I would never do it on a regular basis, and I have seen kids in classes in the past. I emailed my professor to make sure that was ok, I wasn't surprised I didn't get a response since it was late Sunday night.

Getting ready on Monday morning was hurried and hectic. None of his pants fit him right, and he had to look cool to go to college. He is tall and skinny so his pants either are long enough and have a waste band that looks like the after picture of the newest weight loss ,or they fit in the waist and look like we refuse to buy our son new pants as he grows taller.

So after a few tries of pant choices I settle on the best, put a couple of cute shirts with it and add his new lettermen's jacket. I put snacks in a bowl with a sealed lid, got another bowl for a separate snack for variety, filled that up, dumped it all over the floor, scooped up most of it, startled myself by looking at the clock, got a bottle together ran around the house finding any toy that would be entertaining without playing music of squeaking or rattling or whatever... shoved them all into the diaper bag and eventually got out to the car, after warming up a piece of bread in the toaster long enough to get my coat on and calling it toast...his favorite.

I stopped at McDonalds on the way to get a happy meal, I'll buy his silence with some french fries and a sugary apple juice. Sue me.

20 minutes later I actually pull into the UVU parking lot with a few minutes to spare, find a great parking spot. I notice that when I threw in the diaper bag to zoom away from the house it rebounded off the seat and landed upside down. So half of the bottle was now being soaked up by whatever was on the floor... and half the bag was a pretty drippy.. but I was still going to be on time! I put my school bag over my neck grabbed the baby, grabbed the other bag-drippy side away from me, found a free couple of fingers for the happy meal that wouldn't fit into the milk soaked diaper bag because of all of the quiet toys I had already forced to fit. Off I schlumped and shuffled towards the ed bldg.

I got some odd looks. I'll admit it.

Success! I walk into my class room with a minute to spare and start scoping out the corner I will set up shop with a blanket for him to eat his fries on. The professor was sitting in the back of the room and greeted me with, "You didn't get my email did you."

Though she was sure my kid was great she would rather not "set a precedence" by having kids brought to class. I was respectful, her position made a lot of sense, I had to wonder if she could hear that whistling sound as I slowly deflated. I was on time... he is dressed cute, I remembered everything. I was on time... I was.. on ... time... I was acting under previous precedence set by others, why didn't she go back in time to a different professor's class and tell them not to set a precedence... I was on time... did I mention that? I had warm kid food and a drippy bottle and quiet toys...

So, I turned around and walked back to the car. And drove home. And fed him cold fries, a flattened and luke-warm burger patty, he still loved the apple juice.

He was so cute all day and never once made me in anyway upset, at him, but I had this pent up frustration going on now that was unhealthy for the remote control that refused to perform the simplest of tasks. I just tapped it, gently, against the wall to let it know I was displeased... from across the room...

Then we took a nap. And Kristen came home. And we called back the friend of a friend who might be willing to watch Greydon on Mondays and Thursdays. The other remotes are hoping she works out.

Fine. I admit it, snow is pretty....

2010-01-23T11:11:00.003-07:00

I would be happy giving up seasons. At Christmas time we could travel to some snow and promptly return to a consistent warm and balmy existence. Simply giving up snow is not my goal, I am equally difficult to please in extreme hot temperatures. I don't enjoy feeling like a piece of bacon on a frying pan just walking to my car... So as I get close to graduating it becomes quickly more pertinent where we are going to look for employment. If it is warm enough to swim any day of the year but not so warm that you exist scurrying between air conditioners, then that is the place for me.

I don't really think this place exists.... so this is just an arbitrary lead in, the important part to realize here is that I'm ready for winter to go bye bye.

Twice now in the last two days I have had to pause and reluctantly admit to the beauty of the snow.

Driving up to Midway I drove through Provo Canyon and was struck by the monochromatic beauty of the season that underlined the form and line I was driving through. The curve of the canyon determined by the twist of the stream, the jagged top of the range determined by the power of eons of wind and ware, it all seemed more poignant shrouded in white.

As I walked to class today I walked through a tunnel of trees all half white from last night's storm. It was elegant and lace-like.

The fact that I was walking to a Saturday college class, and that is a finance course did tinge the beauty more than a little... ok, a whole lot.

If I only had a tassle

2010-01-22T10:14:00.003-07:00

This last class was much better. The visibility was much better, I was ready for the warmness of the water and had quite a fun time. During our second dive our instructor individually handed us our official scuba Identification card that proves we're certified. The cool part was that he handed it to us as we were still underwater and shook our hand. It was clever and... meaningful. It has been good to feel outside of my comfort zone. It's not a place I often travel to. I am proud of breathing my way through the panicky parts and completing the course. I got to meet some really nice people along the way as an added bonus.

13+2=1 / Happy Birthday Baby!

2010-01-19T12:28:00.005-07:00

Yesterday was our 13th anniversary. I am reminding myself that we just got DONE with our thirteenth year so there is no need to get all superstitious about the number 13... but I may still avoid black cats... sue me.

It wasn't the most exciting of anniversary celebrations. We spoke about using some free tickets we have to get out of town, but the hotel cost and scheduling concerns kept us from jetting. I ran over to my school for two hours and then went to get her a gift, later I fell asleep with Greydon during HIS nap, Kristen went to a physical therapy appointment because she re-hurt her back and later I had to go to my second to last Scuba class... something I couldn't reschedule... So, our anniversary consisted of lunch out a little gift and some roses. As I was sitting there Kristen was upbeat and started counting our blessings and reminded me that we had said if we ever got a child we would never want anything else. She is so right... How she puts up with me I'll never know.

I took a long break from blogging, but I think there are still a few readers out there.... Today is Kristen's birthday, if you are reading this and know Kristen will you leave a comment about something you think makes her the cool person she is?

I did not love the last scuba class. It was our first class in "the crater" up at Midway. It was dark and the water was grimy so the visibility was only a couple of feet. The water was really warm so it felt constrictive. I got a little panicked but breathed and self-talked my way through it. I'm guessing not very many people who will read this have ever seen me panic.. it's something I just don't do. I get frustrated and a slew of other negative reactions, but generally not panic. I think I was actually whimpering last class. I'm not trying to be funny, I really was making little moaning sounds and was close to tears. I got over it, there was only one part that it really hit me. I was much better as we moved around and did things. Just sitting on the dark platform at 20 feet waiting for the other group to get done at the next stop just started to really get to me, the longer we waited the warmer the water felt and the more closed in the rock walls and ceiling felt. Even swimming down to 40 feet, which supposedly feels like 60 due to the altitude, was more relaxing because I wasn't just sitting there and sitting there. I am very happy that after next time I wont have to pass off a bunch of "skills" anymore and will be able to just swim around.

I know I will be fine in the clear bright waters in the tropics... one more class to go in the dark hole... I always say it is good to step out of your comfort zone... I hate practicing what I preach.

Leave a message about cool Kristen!!

I am currently most thankful for how much she loves Greydon and I. She shows it in every thing she does and the way she approaches every situation. She is always concerned with everyone else. At times I don't realize how huge of a talent that is and try to convince her to be a little more selfish. But it's just not who she is. She will go out of her way in big and little ways to make the day better for someone else, even when she doesn't realize it. She is the reason I can breathe and I am very lucky to have her in my life.

You know it's a good hot dog when...

2010-01-16T22:41:00.006-07:00

We were sitting in Emmet's and Ethyl's, a little dive diner here in Lehi. I ordered the Bacon Dog. The lids to the medium drinks also fit the smaller water cups. How tight they fit is another matter entirely.

It is impossible to slide out of a booth in time to avoid the deluge of water that somehow all fits into one styrofoam cup as your baby launches it in your general direction. Of course it was aimed perfectly to all go right to the crotch, it couldn't have just poured on a knee or missed me all together. So after one long shocked intake of breath, some sort shallow breathing, a dance, a giggle or two, and a pile of soaked napkins I waddled to the men's room to see what could be done with a few paper towels.

I have often been a little annoyed at the air hand dryers in bathrooms. They never seem to actually dry your hands. Usually I end up drying my hands on my pants anyway after pretending to dry them under the tepid breeze.

But having a sodden pair of jeans in the least comfortable of places to be soggy made me raise an eyebrow at the hand dryer that caught my eye as if for the first time as I entered the men's room and started to look for some paper towels.

I was in a bathroom that instead of having multiple stalls was just one complete bathroom, so by locking the door I was instantly secure in my own little world. There would be no possibility of needing to invent awkward explanations if someone were to walk in on a variation of hand dryer usage likely not within normal manufacturer's guidelines.

The next fact to consider was the unfortunate reality that the water didn't just pour into my lap, it poured mainly into the seat right in front of my groin. I am unsure if "crotch" or "groin" is less offensive... Anyway, that means that the water didn't exactly soak into the top of my pants and simply standing near a hand dryer wasn't going to solve anything. I really had no intention of lying on the bathroom floor and trying to contort myself to quasi violate the wall mounted jet stream.

The door was locked.

Loafers slipped off.

Zip

Pull

Voila!

Instant pants dryer.

Humming seemed appropriate.

Jeans are apparently very absorbent.

More Humming.

I got them dry enough to feel clever.

By the time I got back to the table, redressed and drier. Our food had recently arrived.

I had informed the staff that there was a puddle to be mopped up, they didn't seem eager, energetic, or too concerned.

Water will cling to the underside of tables even after you think you have napkined off every possible surface.

As I sat there; puddle splashing, with cold fries, water dripping on the top of my leg, and a moist, though be it warm, personal area, I thought to myself;

"Dang! This is one good bacon-wrapped, deep-fried, sour kraut covered, bun toasted, loaded hot dog."

Zoro Visits Walmart

2010-01-15T00:08:00.004-07:00

Perhaps it will be too revealing of a snapshot of my inner chi to admit, but there are certain places where my self confidence takes a little dip on the "feeling cool"- o-meter. And sitting alone in the Wal-mart MacDonalds close to midnight is one of those times. I had to buy some milk before tomorrow got here, and I was hungry after scuba class... I bought the milk first, two gallons, put them in bags and grabbed a combo meal. I took my coat off, because eating in your coat is just annoying. So I'm sitting there wearing a baseball cap to hide my pool hair, kind of schlumped in my seat because class kicked all of our butts tonight, with my coat wadded up on top of a couple of grocery bags. I had to look homeless. I could have put a cup out and I'm sure someone would have given me a quarter or two to ease my suffering. I should have put a brown paper bag around my pop.

Sitting there munching on my fries i was able to see some teen girls caught shoplifting, some punks, some soccer moms, some 8 foot tall guy buying salt for the ice, a guy wearing camo pants and a parka who looked more homeless than i did, but was talking into a bluetooth, and Zoro. Now I'm not trying to be clever and say that the guy made poor fashion choices.. I mean it was Zoro. He had Thigh high leather boots, tight black pants, a loose black shirt that was belted at the waist, a black bandana around his head and hair, and a mask. But there was no sword... maybe there's a safety policy at Walmart that precludes swash-buckling. He walked in with long strides and a purpose. I'm sure there are plenty of times when costumes are just easier to stay in while we run an errand or two... but the mask? You couldn't leave the mask on the passenger seat for a minute? What I find truly fascinating is that he eventually left, just as purposefully; without making a purchase. Was there a damsel in distress in housewares? Was someone being taken advantage of next to the pre-packaged salads? Apparently he was able to get it all sorted out in the time it took me to eat a #8.

Photo Update a go-go

2010-01-13T21:50:00.014-07:00

It has been a while since I posted very many pics, so here are a bunch to catch back up.

A nice fall day, I think this was October.

That same day we made cider on the old cider press, it is so very tasty, we froze a bunch of it.

Maestro in training

Arggggghhh Dinosaurus in the back yard!! We trick or treated just a couple of houses, and took him to a party at the roller arena for Kristen's 5th grade Halloween Skating party.

The kid made out like a bandit on Christmas... and looks like he is four in this first picture!

Fish and Scuba... actually not related for now...

2010-01-12T22:14:00.002-07:00

So that’s what stepping barefoot onto macaroni and cheese feels like. I was distracted making airplane noises with the post-lunch wash cloth and squelched it right between my unsuspecting 3rd an 4th toes.

Can kids have too many electrolytes? When Greydon was sick we bought him some individual servings of orange flavored Pedialyte. He hated it and refused to drink them. We don’t give Greydon a lot of juice since it is so sugary, but the other day I saw some individual juice bottles and figured he could handle a treat during lunch. He loved it, I didn’t realize right away it was the orange flavored pedialyte. I gave him another one today. Loved it. Maybe it’s like baby steroids and he will get huge electrolyte infused biceps and a mini-six pack.

We actually had to call poison control the other day, well Kristen did. Men’s deodorant has a design flaw that when you get close to the end of the push up cylinder of freshness the last piece falls out; or maybe I am just a violent and aggressive deodorant user. Anyway, I thought I picked up all of the shattered remains and chunks. I was proven wrong when Kristen found Greydon eating something white. It was thankfully a very small piece that would likely cause nausea at most. But I was surprised to find out how unhealthy the stuff is. I like not offending others with my pits, so I will keep smearing the poison on myself daily. But it is interesting what we have been convinced is normal.

I was not late to Scuba class yesterday. I felt very prepared and smart as I picked up my equipment before class and got it all in my car ready to go. My happy warm feelings started to slip a little as one of our instructors kept talking and talking instead of just teaching. I know I am not a very nice person, but I wasn’t the only one who was getting a little antsy.

At the pool I was one of the first all set up and ready to go only to find out that I had grabbed a tank that had been improperly placed with the full tanks and was very nearly the exact opposite. Luckily one of the instructors, not the one who tends to drone, had an extra tank. By the time we got it all hooked up I was the last getting into the water. I was trying to hurry, all flustered. We got to do a standing entry, just stepping off into the pool. It was pretty straight forward, but feels traditionally scuba to jump in like that. My non-leading leg proved I was more flexible then I thought upon entering the water. I may have to practice that a few more times.

Our “skills” to practice for the night mainly focused on what to do if you ran out of air… perhaps I should have kept the empty tank. It involves hand signals to tell your dive buddy that you are low on air and then you share air until you come up. Now days regulators all have an extra regulator attached for just such an occasion, so it wasn’t necessary to get too buddiesh with your dive buddy, there was no actual sharing of the same mouth piece. After that we got to play around in the deep. So now I can say I have gone off the deep end right? It’s been coming for a while now.

Greydon is doing great. One of Kristen’s cousins comes to watch him here at the house three days a week which is a God send. It’s one of those things that just feels so right that you know someone followed some promptings. It was Kristen’s idea… good thing she was listening. We still need to figure out Mondays and every other Thursday, but we’re getting close.

Greydon is walking with assistance quite well and will pull himself up sometimes. He has even started “cuising” which is walking along the couch as he holds on. This is a newer one, but was something we have been working on. He’s talking up a storm, I’m not sure what language he is using…

UVU started. I have to take a Saturday class this semester because I didn’t want to leave Greydon in daycare any longer than necessary. This last Saturday would have been the first. Kristen had already left for book club and taken Greydon with her. I left with just enough time to spare to get parked and walk to class. But as I was about a block away from the house I knew something didn’t feel right. Sure enough the passenger tire was more than a little low.

I drove over to the tire store where I was told it wasn’t salvageable… Either it was flat the night before as well as I drove home, or four blocks on a flat will kill the tire… Hopefully my not wanting to change a tire in the freezing cold wasn’t the culprit… the tire store is really close… the tire store is really close… the tire store is really close… I keep telling myself as I rock in the corner humming.

I thought I went to where we purchased it, but there was no record of a tire purchase, everything but-- actually, even under the misspelled version of my name. They told me there was enough life in the tread that there may be some money to be saved by finding where it was purchased and making use of the warranty… So the spare went on and I drove down the street to another place I slightly remembered going to in the past. They didn’t even sell that brand. And it took an hour waiting for my turn in the shop to find that out. On the phone we figured out the tires were purchased at a different location of the first place I went, but that there never was any warranty because they are considered low profile. So back over to the first place to save forty dollars on a cheaper tire than the second place offered and another hour meant I was a little poorer and had completely missed my Saturday class. I’m hoping the professor is understanding and likes apologetic emails.

I have been intermittently playing with Greydon while typing this throughout the day. Many of last year’s toys now have batteries that are on their last leg. So now all of the little snippets of music sound like Korean funeral dirges being played on leaky bagpipes.

We just got done playing with his "Go Fish" game. We played by his rules which mainly involves handing a lot of cards back and forth the best I can tell. I think he won. Instead of playing cards the cards have fish cartoons to match. The sea horse is wearing a saddle AND a hat, not so sure about that----I don’t think "Pool Shark" is an official sub class of fish----I wonder if it is possible to draw a hammerhead shark as a construction worker and not make him look like a member of The Village People----whales aren’t fish. Just sayin...

shoot, did it again

2010-01-10T11:53:00.003-07:00

Again, I have waited too long to post on here so now I have multiple incongruous thoughts and topics floating about in my head to successfully meld into one cohesive post.

First, it would seem highly callous to speak of anything before mentioning my Dad's status.

My dad had cancer, I'm not always the most talkative individual so some people have mentioned not knowing that. Recently it has returned. The return was something we were warned of, but still dreaded, and of course hoped to side-step. But alas, he has a mass in his stomach that is more than three inches. I am unsure if the three inches refer to girth or footprint, but either way it sounds big to me. Masses are considered in a whole new category once they reach 4 and a half inches or so and tend to start interfering more with the body's normal operations and functions. Dad has been praying and pondering, and as his new oncologist asked what he wanted to do, he answered he was ready to start treating it now instead of just waiting to see if it got bigger.

That was Wednesday of last week, and by Friday he was hooked up to a four hour drip of a newer medication called... something that sounds like Roxil(sp?) If you are a medic, you can tut tut in your mind as I screw up all of the lingo. They administer the first dose slowly to watch for the body to react to it adversely; common reactions include shakes and tremors as well as nausea. Dad, true to form, didn't have any side effects, except for really not enjoying a four hour hospital bed ride. I got the impression that the four hours would be reduced in the future, but need to clarify. I do know that he will get the dose once per week for one month and then they will see if it is doing, or has done it's job.

This drug attaches itself to the protein of the cancer cell and then kills it off. Roxil(sp?) does not have some of the more well-known side effects stereotypically associated with chemotherapy. If needed, next month could include a more traditional chemo cocktail, hair loss and vomiting included at no extra charge.

Speaking of charge, the hospital Mom and Dad are working with is a for-profit private hospital. Therefore they have great stuff available, but Mom and Dad are now on a fixed income of course. We are blessed that they qualified for some financial breaks and whatsits that I would mess up the details of if I tried to get specific. I am violently opposed to socialized medicine because I feel the quality of care regresses, but in today's world I would have been very sad if my father had to choose which cancer treatment he could have afforded instead of which cancer treatment was the best for him. It is a conundrum.

So, Dad is doing good after one treatment, to summarize.

It feels odd to move on to a different topic, especially one that is light hearted, but it kind of relates to Pops. Dad used to scuba dive, I was pretty young when he stopped, but I remembering thinking it would be cool to do, and now, a mere decade or three later I have been given the chance to flip in his fin steps.

A large group of family will be going on a cruise in February and we are lucky enough to have had some financial assistance making it possible to go. Plus last time we flew to Michigan to visit my family we voluntarily got "bumped" and received the coveted free voucher payment, making it even possible to go on the cruise without having to starve ourselves or not buy gas to be able to afford the airfare.

So for Christmas I received a scuba surprise from a couple of different sources that included lessons and the equipment one cannot rent. I am very excited. Last week was my first week of class, we met twice. Our first class was classroom only and included a lot of paperwork. The second class was half in the classroom again, and half in the water!

I am not always a daredevil and would not classify myself as an adrenaline junky, though compared to Kristen I look likethe next Evil Kanevil. But I am also pretty even tempered, I don't panic very often, so I was surprised to find my heart rate increasing as I sat on the bottom of the pool going through exercises of intentionally removing your mask, causing the nose to be unprotected, or intentionally "losing" your regulator and how to find it, clear it, and get breathing again. I did it all, but am man enough to admit to a little rise in blood pressure. I hadn't expected to react that way, even though it was subtle. I had thought to try to encourage Kristen to take the classes, something she has been opposed to. I wont be forcing the issue anymore, she was right. She was stressed to tears trying to sit on, yes just sit, on a wave-runner. I can't imagine someone trying to get her to stay underwater and then taking away her oxygen supply... well I can imagine it... it would be at least very entertaining.

The worse part of class number two were "laps". We were informed as we got to the pool that we had to do ten laps. Yes, 10. Luckily we did them wearing our fins, but it was still about 9 and a half times more of a work out than I have had in a very long time. Many people had done ten while I was finishing 6... and after I finished 8 no one really questioned me if I had actually done 10... Hey, if you're not going to ask....

We also were wearing masks and snorkels, which sounds nifty, except for the fact that we were doing laps perpendicular to the normal lanes, that still had up the floating barriers, so we had to go underneath all of those, while out of breath from the workout. I had one panic moment I'll admit to as my snorkel got hung up on one of the lines. I'm not sure what happened, but all I knew was that I was snagged, and wasn't getting air. I'll also admit to a little flailing and a contortion or two.

Sitting on the bottom of the pool was cool, but swimming along the bottom into the deep end of the diving area felt like scuba for the first time, it was pretty cool. I am quite excited.

We'll leave off there for now.. so many other thoughts... so little time...

New Year Post... just didn't post... but now it's posted... post post post post post

2010-01-08T02:16:00.000-07:00

One evening last week as we were visiting Colorado for Christmas I had this epiphany of potential literary fodder that would have been a great way to welcome myself back to my own blog. I thought about how to put it into words, the potential rhythm and pace of what I intended to write, and even considered some clever titles for the blog post that would herald an awakening from my blog hibernation. As I drifted to sleep I edited my thoughts and prepared to commit them to gloriously intelligent and spiritually flabbergasting type.
Then the morning came. I shrugged my shoulders and thought…..
“Eh, whatever.”
Apparently I’m an evening writer, to be proven by the fact that I sit here and type as the infant year has aged less than 2 hours. So before I wake with a shoulder shrug I figured I would take advantage of a stomach that didn’t appreciate the pizza/sparkling grape juice combination we used to usher out the old and would likely revolt if I tried to lay down flat anyway.
Kristen and I spent the morning packing up the spoils of our, well to be fair Greydon’s, Christmas and headed home to Utah. After a blessedly uneventful trip we did some cuddling with Greydon, who is currently enjoying the familiarity of his own crib. After welcoming each other to 2010 traditionally, we had to go and get Greydon and plaster his head with kisses. He didn’t even wake up. I will happily admit to a little moisture in the corner of one of my eyes as I pondered my gratitude for getting to have him in our lives.
I had purchased some fireworks I never got to use on the Fourth of July; so after putting Greydon back in his crib we grabbed two goblets and headed outside in our coats and slippers for the smallest fireworks show this side of the Mississippi. As we clinked our glasses, well glasses don’t really clink when they are full, so after we thunked our glasses to the light of the first eager little fountain a police car about a block away turned on his siren briefly. Even though they were purchased five minutes away in the parking lot at Walmart; the siren made us raise an eyebrow of slight, though illogical, concern.
The coppers never came our way and we lit off the rest of the works as we boozed it up on sparkling cider.
My computer battery was dead, and since we live in a house built sometime in the middle of the age of inconvenience I am perched at our little Kitchen table because the outlet hanging out of this wall was installed sometime after electricians came up with the idea of grounding circuits, causing the need for three little holes instead of only two per outlet, something that can’t be said for the outlets closer to the table with chairs instead of stools. I mention this merely to transition into a brief conversation relating to my potential dedication to all things blog as we traverse into 2010. I am clearly interested enough to persevere through less than perfect seating arrangements but do not intend to announce some large goal/plan/RESOLUTION to blog 364 days out of the next 365.
I am not a big fan of New Year Resolutions. This makes it very easy to avoid being stressed out about them. I do find myself in the cheering section of anything though that leads to self inspection and goals of betterment. I simply don’t understand why we need to reserve such actions for cold snowy days at the beginning of a “calendar” year.
I recently snipped at someone on Facebook for snipping at someone on Facebook. I still like FB, it is a tool that can be used for good or for not, much like a candlestick. If Mr. Green off-ed Mrs. Peacock in the conservatory with the candlestick, we wouldn’t say… “My what a gruesome instrument of pain and death, let’s condemn and banish all candlesticks.” No, we would simply incarcerate Mr. Green for being caught red handed trying to dispose of a bloody candlestick, thanks to Colonel Mustard’s and Ms Scarlet’s sloothing skills. I have heard some condemnations of facebook lately that make me question if people are jumping on an anti-candlestick bandwagon instead of simply encouraging proper tool usage. Candlesticks are still very effective means of holding onto candles. However, I do know that my time on Facebook has taken me away from blogging and can lead one to a false sense of feeling connected, a sense that is much more superficially based than we tend to think.
I like blogging. I intend to get back to it, which may be best encouraged by less facing or booking. This is completely unrelated to the fact that a bunch of people watched a glittery ball slide down a pole in New York a few hours ago, or so I will continue to profess.
So as we venture into another 12 months of the relatively unknown, I thunk my glass to yours and hum to myself about forgetting old acquaintances, which is far too severe of a sentiment to support, let alone sing about.

Keeping it random

2009-10-07T14:31:00.002-06:00

I've been appeasing my need to expell thoughts out into the universe lately on facebook. FB is all about little one-liners, which are much easier than coming up with a reasonably intelligent paragraph or two for my blog.

But I feel the need to blog... I have a few thoughts, and they aren't even all negative... crazy as that may be.

1.) The other day I was walking around in the yard with Greydon. I wish I made the time to do it more often, it was wonderful. As I walked into the side yard I was quickly transported back one year ago. Last fall I pulled an antique piece of farm machinery that was being neglected and ignored into that side yard for a little fall decoration. Then I disconnected Greydon's heart monitors and breathing tubes, bundled him up in a sweater and blanket while Kristen's cousin Jen took some cute fall pictures of our newly home little baby. The air that day seemed exactly the same as it did during our stroll next to that same rusty plow. I was carrying my boy who seems so different and the same all at once. It was subtle and tender.

We walked over to an apple tree and I picked him an apple. He was fascinated by the apple and hung onto it for about an hour... it was cute.

2.) The guy sitting in front of me in the computer lab must think that the back of his chair is magically going to completely block him from anyone's view, or he just has no idea that his t-shirt is riding half way up his back and his belt isn't doing a very good job.... oh great now he has shifted so I am getting the entire overweight top half of the butt crack shot... really? Can you not feel that?

3.) I have had some of the worse classes ever in college, ironically I am here to learn how to be a teacher... supposedly... This makes it that much more frustrating to not be done already. However, next semester is my last semester of traditional classes, than a year of an internship... which will feel like being done... erggh, I want to be done now. The class I have to go to next is taught by the worse teacher. I am used to getting pretty high scores, so I notice when points are taken off. Especialy for things that were never listed in the instructions in the first place. That's a huge no-no in education, and she's an education teacher... what the crap... I don't "shut up and play nice" very well; she didn't appreciate my telling her that I didn't agree with her grading procedures and that I was frusterated and unmotivated... oops....

4.) Big big butt shot... is he trying to do this... AHHHH he sat up and fixed his shirt...WOOHOO

5.) Anyone else feeling invisible? I'm not exactly tiny... if you see me walking towards you on a pathway, trying to hug my side of the edge, do you think you could maybe slide in behind your girlfriend while we try to pass you? Oh, never mind, I will get out of YOUR way.... Then I was standing waiting to fill my cup with carbonated evil at lunch, waiting for the girl in front of me to fill up her drink. THis short little girl, who apparently also couldn't see me, literally walks around me and fills up her water cup next... like she had to manuever around me... really? I made sure to take a step closer to the machine... so when the little cutter turned around to leave she pretty much face planted right into my chest, it was great. She saw me that time...

6.) FINE, I'm off to the most useless class ever... It is just frusterating to know that I could be actually making a difference, impacting, teaching, assisting discovery, but no, I'm off to listen to the epitomy of the teacher I never want to be lecture for two hours... I might need more carbonated evil...

2009-10-05T20:34:00.001-06:00

2009-09-26T16:39:00.001-06:00

I just wanted to say thanks today

2009-09-11T17:52:00.010-06:00

yawn

2009-09-07T18:19:00.004-06:00

I'm so bored this weekend without Kristen and Greydon.

Bored probably isn't the right word, I've got plenty to do. But I'm ready for them to be back now.

I did a bunch of homework, which was why I didn't go to CO. Kristen went with her sister. I just wish they would have stuck with the schedule that would have put them driving through the canyon during the daylight. I'm pretty bugged about that... but I bet I'll get over it... Kind of hard to sustain complaining while I'm sitting here staring at a computer instead of doing the driving myself.

This weekend I made sure to go see a good friend of ours who is playing the Wicked Witch in "The Wizard of Oz". I was very impressed. I was also impressed with the talent and the effects for a community theater production. I love living in an area where a "community" level production involves a week of sold out nights in a 1000-seat auditorium, huge casts of actors and incredibly talented singers, good costumes and on and on. I'm not sure UT has cornered the market on this kind of support for the arts, but I'm grateful for it being here.

Having Greydon has changed my mind about some things... like kid shoes.. I've always loved kid's shoes. I love children's clothing that looks like adult clothing shrunk down. My theory has always been that if an adult wouldn't be caught dead in it, I shouldn't subject my kid to wearing it. As soon as you wear a powder blue jumpsuit with a three dimensional dog head sewn to the chest, I'll put my kid in one too. Kristen likes "cute" a little more than I do, but less now that our little baby has somehow turned into a little boy. Shoes are the perfect example of shrunk down cool-cuteness.. but now, they're a pain in the butt. Greydon still has sensitive feet, he doesn't fight us putting on his shoes, but he curls his toes anytime you mess with his feet at all.
Last time I tried to put his dress shoes on I kept checking to see if I had accidentally left something wadded up inside;
I compared the size of the shoes to the bottom of his feet to make sure they really should fit;
I compared one to the other after I finally got the first one on to make sure they were both the right basic general shape;
I loosened up the flaps as much as possible about three times;
and then finally decided it would be just fine for him to go to church wearing one shoe.

I no longer have a problem with kids who are not walking yet to not be wearing shoes, this was not always the case. Now I truly understand the genius behind those little socks that look like tennis shoes. Once he is walking, there's no excuse, shoes for sure... I'm hoping by then he will understand "Now now Greydon, stop curling your toes before Daddy has to walk away and count to ten."

I drove over and walked by Bridal Veil falls today. I let my energetic 20 something cousin go right ahead and hike up the trail to the base of the falls. I got winded just carrying my subway sandwich bag and camera up the trail through the park that led to the falls. I did however find a great comfy log next to the river that was down the bank far enough that the rest of the world just seemed to melt away for a little bit. All I heard was the water on the boulders. You can't beat that, at any age or energy level. I can't wait to show Greydon everything. That's enough motivation to hike up any hill.

The Sabbath

2009-08-30T20:45:00.003-06:00

Today was stake conference. I'm guessing most people who check out my blog know what that is, but just in case; It's a big church meeting, bigger than normal... by a lot.

This morning as I woke up and looked in the mirror I thought to myself.. "Yep, you're scruffy... hmmm, do I really NEEEED to shave...??" Well I decided the answer was yes and cleaned up.

Next as I was getting dressed, the white dress shirt that I like wasn't the white dress shirt that was clean, so I had another moment of decision making... "Do I wear the white shirt with the collar that is tighter than I like and whose sleeves are somehow shorter than they used to be, ooooor do I wear a colored shirt, light blue isn't THAT different than white?" I decided a number of years ago that if I ever expected the young men to dress properly and wear white shirts while they fulfill their calling, it was kind of 2-faced to come to church wearing anything else, I'm not exactly invisible, why should I be any different.... So I decided to stick with the less comfortable white.

Then; "Should I wear my pretty new black suit that I got on an awesome cheap clearance months ago, but hadn't worn yet.. even though it was blazingly hot out... or some more comfortable khaki's, it's not like I was giving a talk..." but the suit won.

I think I had heard a rumor that the conference would be held at a couple of buildings, the main meeting being broadcast to the other... I was unsure which building I was supposed to go to, but I decided to head for the new stake center...

As we drove up to the stake center there wasn't any parking, so I dropped Kristen, Greydon, and my cousin Michael, who is starting at LDS Business college next week, off at the doors to the church and drove off to park along the road next to a field.

As I meandered back to the church doors I checked the time, the meeting should be starting right.... NOW.

No problem, I was almost to the doors, and we could always find some room in the back...pretty typical timing. Now, I had to decide if I should undo the top button on the neck of the tight collar on my less than favorite white shirt that was growing less and less comfortable and pretend like the tie covered the slacker look... it was hot, but I decided to at least start the meeting off looking put together... we'd see where it went later.

When I came in the building Michael came around the corner looking for me in the hall.. "There's nowhere to sit, and did you just hear them announce that you are conducting the music?"

Huh

Interesting

Chuckle.

Now that you mention it... there was that phone call a couple or three weeks ago... huh, forgot that they asked me that..

So I walk down the hall, past the gymnasium packed to over capacity, up the aisle of the attached chapel with wall to wall members, straight up to the stand like I knew what I was doing, acting all calm, stepped right up to a music stand that was covered in violin music for a musical number later, picked up a hymnal, had someone tell me the right page number, positioned the stand up a little right as the organ started and conducted Hymn #85, "How Firm a Foundation", with vigor, without batting an eye... Nothing like faking competence and pre-planning in front of 800 people...

There was a children's choir, so I didn't have anything else to conduct for an hour, so I walked right back off the stand and went in search of Kristen and the boys. They had found refuge in the primary room with a large quantity of members from the deaf branch.. It was fun watching the televised sign language interpretation of the conference. I have always loved the two-thumb dunking sign for baptism.

Later I got to conduct "Families Can Be Together Forever". It's a beautiful hymn, with a beautiful message, that had been part of the topic of the entire conference. To stand and conduct 800 voices singing such a sweet peaceful piece was stunning and wonderful. The fermata was held out, the singing was strong, the spirit was present.

I was thankful that I was standing there a shaved man, in a nice suit, wearing a white shirt, with the collar buttoned, in the right building.. it was a great meeting.

I keep deleting and typing this next paragraph... I'll just have to leave it that that wasn't the end to the day, or the spirit that day.

It was a great Sunday.

An excuse to post a couple of pictures

2009-08-22T12:00:00.003-06:00

1.) GPS isn't for everyone. :)

2.) A well-timed sample of "Infamil Lipil Next Step Formula" can feel like God patting you on the shoulder and nodding his head.

3.) People who are more talented than the rest of us have a responsibility to encourage rather than segregate.

4.) One little word from your baby can induce severe smiling.

5.) My name is Calvin and I admit I like a Miley Cyrus song.. especially the lyrics

6.) Design contests on TV make me feel all artsy.

7.) Great Grampa Kuerth is going strong

8.) Athletic cut shirts are just rude, especially when that's the only cut the store carries.

9.) I am not athletic, nor cut.

Greydon and Great Grampa

Motivation comes in many forms

un-interesting, creative-barren post title

2009-08-18T12:44:00.002-06:00

I don't think I have anything remotely interesting to post. I've already erased and retyped my explanation of having nothing to talk about three times... that can't be a good sign...

But, I do have a cute kid wearing the coolest shirt ever (thanks Crystal)... so we'll just leave it at that...

ksl.com - Deadly plane crash kills two Utah men

2009-08-13T20:57:00.001-06:00

ksl.com - Deadly plane crash kills two Utah men

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Jordan was in my ward and a great great guy. He spent hours and hours recently helping the young men in our ward build a crazy float I designed. He will be missed and my heart goes out to his family.

Twelve

2009-08-05T02:06:00.006-06:00

I'm feeling a little random and I'm not sure it's a good idea to allow access to the true inner deep thoughts that are attached to all of the little random thought fragments spinning about my head. So I think I may just make a list of disjointed thoughts....

1.) It felt uplifting and special to tell Kristen's grandfather in his last couple of years that his garden plot was being used as a big ol' garden plot. I'm glad we were able to do that for him. Eventually we will be moving on now, it sounds like the family isn't in a huge rush, but it's inevitable. It's kind of sad that my next home will be devoid of feelings of service for a passing generation, it was a nice connection that I will always appreciate.

2.) I think that when babies have to get blood drawn the mother should be handed a needle, and as long as the nurse roots and digs for a vein in the helpless little sprout of an arm the mother should be allowed to do the same in the nurse's other arm. Greydon's follow up clinic was today. I had to go to class, and only was ok with embracing my abandonment issues because the follow up clinic is supposed to be comprised of pretty routine checks and benign tests and observations. The doctor wanted to eliminate some possible reasons why Greydon's gross motor skill development is the only thing lagging behind. Everything else was great, but Kristen had to take Greydon for some blood tests. Angie was there, which was nice, but I feel horrible that Kristen had to watch him get speared by a less than talented nurse who kept digging in his arm, and fishing and digging, and searching and digging, while he cried and cried, before getting someone else to finally do it. Maybe it was good I wasn't there... Especially with the availability of other needles, scalpels, ...tongue depressors,....blood pressure cuffs, anything that could have been used to maim or bludgeon really...

3.) Perception is a fascinating subject. I think I'm pretty smart. To be honest, I think I'm really smart. On some levels I know I'm not really that smart, but I think "knowing" that I'm not really that smart just proves how smart I really am. Then I pulled out some old report cards I found from high school... uhm... huh, I remembered getting much better grades, and being much smarter than this evidence suggests... hmmm, I'll just use the "smart people get bored with school" mantra and go back to thinking I'm pretty smart.

4.) Perception is fascinating. I perceive that I live in a small safe hamlet in the middle of Utah. As I poke around in real estate I make judgement calls about the kinds of neighbor hoods that I would just not feel safe moving into. Today Kristen and I went for a walk. Instead of walking through the little streets of our little neighbor-"hood" we walked two blocks to the main road so we could stop at the gas station for a little treat. So, walking two blocks away from our house and then a few blocks down the street we passed the half-fenced, abandoned and knocked down remains of an old building, a few vacant and rotting old businesses, a bar advertising some "special" events, a house or three that have to be pretty popular stops for our local police force, a very scary pile of trailer homes that makes your heart ache, a few abandoned lots with construction equipment for sale, a house that clearly is inhabited by severely disturbed hillbillies, a run down excuse for a dog breeding kennel that emitted smells that made me want to lop off my nose with the stroller wheel and a few houses with boarded up windows and some interesting vehicles in various stages of disrepair.

The interesting thing is that I've never hated this neighborhood or felt unsafe, when in reality, it's not exactly a hamlet on a hill. it is also old and charming, has nice old houses with yards cared for by elderly gentleman with affinities for little yippy dogs, kids still try to sell lemonade on a hot day, I just walked next to one park and through another, and there are big old trees that make the little roads into shady lanes. It's interesting how we perceive the familiar and scoff at or judge what we perceive as "less than".

5.) I'm terrified of being "less than" in anyway for Greydon.

6.) I am humbled, honored, elated, thrilled, and oddly peaceful to be his father. He is a part of me, which I always heard and never appreciated. Billy Joel is a genius

7.) Greydon looks great in a tie.
even in low-light-blurry pictures

8.) Totino's pizzas list different cooking times in the instructions on the back of the pizza box that vary depending on the kind of pizza you are making. This time may differ by only one minute either way. Someone is getting paid to sit and test if 13, 14, or 15 minutes acheives the best level of crispy crust-ness for the "combination" pizza and then they start from scratch testing 13, 14, 15, or 16 minutes for the "3-meat" pizza... and I'm going to college....

9.) It's all about marketing... I wonder how rarely we ever know the real story or all of the facts about anything.

10.) Greydon is precious... fact!

11.) 10 is a good round number and a great place to stop a list... this was number 11.

12.) please refer to number 11.

Blissfully Blessed By Beautiful Birthday Baby Boy

2009-08-02T02:05:00.008-06:00

We would like to express our deepest gratitude to everyone who helped us celebrate Greydon's first year down here.

We always dreamed of having a baby, and certain little things that might not seem like a big deal weave themselves deep into your anticipation. We always looked forward to the day when we could send out birth announcements, we would show each other layouts we both liked, color schemes that made us smile or pictures of cute babies that made us chuckle. When Greydon came so early we were blind sided and never got around to getting a birth announcement made.

We always knew we would have a big room bursting get together the day of our child's blessing. Greydon's blessing was in the depth of winter, fresh from oxygen tubes and with a doctor's approval only with the strong instruction to make it a dash to the church and no visitors at the house.

Those little projects that you get to have only when you're a parent pale in comparison to what it has meant to us actually being parents. But they were moments dreamt of none the less, and it was sweet and special to be able to send birthday invitations that quite intentionally looked like birth announcements and to have a yard busting group of family, and friends who we call family, come and celebrate his day with us.

Thank you again for giving us the gift of a little of your time. And yes, we are already discussing plans for next year. Do two year olds appreciate live music, floor shows and sky-writers?

Wacky..

2009-07-18T10:56:00.002-06:00

I haven't had to use my alarm clock at all this summer... I must say it's been oddly liberating. I couldn't fall asleep last night, and was able to sleep longer this morning thanks to the fact that Kristen got up with Greydon, which I appreciate. But I was finally roused from my slumber by the weirdest morning dreams. Why are morning dreams so different and wacky than normal dreams? Maybe it is just that I don't normally remember "normal dreams".

This morning, as the sun was warming me and trying to wake me up:

Kristen and I were in FL continuing our summer of excursions. My parents were there, but they had to run to "Ross Dress For Less" to pick up their dining room chairs which they had mailed back to the manufacturer and had been re-shipped to Ross (logical), so they had taken off, and Kristen and I were late for work (in FL, on vacation). So I went into the next room, which was the bank, to find out something really important, while Mom and Dad were playing on the huge antique carousel which had been installed at Ross Dress For Less and took up the entire store. While waiting in line at the bank, behind the glass wall, I saw two old high school acquaintances who had apparently gotten married (dream-world version) and another high school acquaintance who was there with her husband who is on leave from the Navy (a little more reality there), but he had huge ridiculous bushy hair(not exactly Navy issue). The guy with the cropped grey hair next to them (stranger) told me to teach Ballroom Dance well, because it ruined his marriage (powerful waltz that). Apparently this was all I needed to do at the bank so I headed back down the glass corridor where I was stopped by an old lady who told me that if any of these people found a cell phone to keep it because they were all broken (good to know). When I got back to the other room I noticed that Kristen had left her large carpeted stepped platform where she had been reposed... which was apparently enough to finally wake me up....

And now I'm wondering if I should start using my alarm clock after all....

2009-07-17T21:30:00.001-06:00

2009-07-17T21:29:00.001-06:00

2009-07-17T21:28:00.001-06:00

WE'RE BACK!!

2009-06-25T10:33:00.003-06:00

ok, so we made it home... a long day of travel and FOUR VOUCHERS!! later...

Greydon is an awesome traveler we found out... so grateful..

upcoming posts include a travel tips page and a photo tour... but it might take a day or two.

Right now I'm sitting in class waiting for my summer classes to begin, which is right after two doctor's appointments for Greydon yesterday (went great), a doctor's appointment for Kristen today and spending hours working on finishing the float for Friday's parade... we have one more day still... plenty of time right?

so... posts coming soon... but maybe not right this second...

I feel like I want a new layout on here, but everytime I do that I've lost all of my gadgets... I don't feel like finding all of the links to people's blogs to the right again... hmmm, feel free to instruct me.

Thrust no more

2009-06-17T15:56:00.002-06:00

I'm still not going to try to upload photos until I get back.. but I can ive a few updates.

Greydon is feeling much better. Whew

Even since we have been gone he has grown so much and is constantly changing. It used to be that his "tongue thrust" was so pronounced and strong that it was interfering with the eating thing... he got past that and is eating like CRAZY!! It's wild... We're figuring out his likes and new eating patterns now.. his sleeping pattern is also all new and whacky... we're not sure how much of that is being away from the house...

We've toured some great little towns and taken amazingly beautiful drives through woods, along cliffs, next to lakes, great lakes and Eden itself I'm pretty sure.

There was a warmer ay that let us get a little wet at the beach. We were in Lake Huron this time, he loved the water, but it is still a great lake so it's pretty cold, too cold to really "swim" He was so happy at the beach, a true Michigander at heart. He loves the sand and didn't mind his legs and hands being in the cold water at all. I walked down the cray and tucked his little legs up in my t-shirt to block a little of the wind coming out f the water... it was so peaceful and pretty.

Last weekend both of the girls came up for the evening. We had a bonfire, ate and played games. We also had a group birthday moment for my bro, me, my neice, and Greydon, all of the June birthdays. We each got our own little cake. We put Greydon and my niece on a blanket and let them go to town... there was a pretty good chocolate ring in the tub later.

Most of us went to church the next day, Dad said it was great to look from the front (he's the branch president) and see us all there.. It was a pretty small branch, our group was one fourth of the people there. There was a 15 yr old who gave a great talk. I think sometimes in UT the youth see other youth doing a short little fake talk and think that is all that is expected of them... this kid did better than most adults... I wonder how much of that is just who he is and not seeing other youth kind of faking there way through it... interesting....

Tomorrow we're driving down to the Lansing area to spend a few days with my other sister Amy before we fly out on Tuesday.

Sounds like while we have been gone UT is falling to pieces... 800 cases of swine flu... well N1H1.. and daily rain... maybe we should extend out stay back here for a while...

An old friend

2009-06-09T17:42:00.002-06:00

Ok, I am now at my parent's house... They have a computer but their internet service is a little slower so I haven't been loggin on, and I still think I will wait to upload some pictures until there is a faster connection available.

Staying with Shannon was great. Saturday morning her husband offered to take us biking on a great bike trail around Muskegon Lake. He said we would go on a 30 minute bike tour, that ended up being.... longer... I think we hit 11 miles or so... I have a boney butt.... by the time we were done I'm pretty sure bloody butt bones were sticking out somewhere... My legs didn't really ever get tired, which was nice. I have to say that 11 mile bike rides are much more enjoyable NOT in the middle of the rockies...I got some good pictures, it was a very picturesque ride. I'll be sure to post them. Just the guys went. Me, my dad, Garrett, and his oldest son. It was nice...

Saturday afternoon I finally got to the real beach. I'm a bit of a sap, I realize that, but even I was surprised when I got teary. Driving over the hill and having Lake Michigan come into view was like greeting an old friend. I even heard myself saying "Oh, there you are.." As we drove along the shore for a little before gettiong out the tears just flowed a little more... I can't quite explain it. I think it was home sickness mixed in with appreciation of something so beautiful. The sandy beaches rolled, there were sand dunes, grasses drift wood and waves.. It was a little perfect.

We got out of the car, everyone got their shoes off as soon as possible amd sunk into the perfect white sand. Nothing is as good as Michigan sand... ovean beaches can't even come close. Greydon got his feet wet, I loved holding him as he got his first tastes of what I think embodies "home". He loved playing in the sand, we weren't sure what he would think of it... but he loved playing with it.

This was his first taste of the water and the sand... It's been cold and rainy since we got here, so there hasn't been any real swimming yet... but this counts for something.

Sat night we traveled up to my parent's house where we have been since. We have been lazing about, taking scenic drives around the area and scowling at the rain.

My "glass half full" wife has been liking the rain though, she says it makes everything look even more green and more lush. I'm practicing my Polyana dance and still hope we get a chance to swim before heading back to death valley.. well UT anyway.

I'm not sure when I'll try to post pictures again... man we got some cute ones of Greydon sitting next to some driftwood on Lake Michigan.

Going back to the barren waste land is going to be difficult I must admit...

Careful what you wish for...

2009-06-05T22:38:00.006-06:00

So I did say I didn't want too many more simply "relaxing days"... well that was immediately followed by a night of a fitful crying baby who was miserable and letting us know about it, no sleep until morning.... a trip to an urgent care after phone calls to our doctor and the less than comforting information that it is just a viral infection that we just have to wait to take it's course.

Greydon doesn't understand that the more he cries the more his throat is going to hurt, and when it hurts he cries more... it's pitiful.

It's not constant, it comes and goes. For much of the day, including while we were trying to explain to the urgent care doctor how miserable he has been, he has been in quiet a good mood. Smiling laughing playing... Last night was awful though.

The doc here prescribed some benadryl to help dry him out a little. It doesn't effect everyone the same, and in some babies can actually cause hyperactivity.... uhm... not for Greydon... He was a little glassy eyed and was strangely staring at the wall when Kristen laid him down tonight in his crib... If he was talking yet I'm pretty sure he'd have said... "Duuuuuuuuuuuude", "Aaaaaawesome" "woaaaaaaahhhhhh", or just chuckld under his breath.

Tonight my other nephew Jake came over to say hi. We had a great dinner with steaks on the grill and lots of good food. We lit a bonfire, set off a bunch of fireworks, played some catch, whacked golf balls into the woods, roasted some marshmellows, made s'mores, watched a movie.... and... I think that's about it.

Jake, Greydon and Zach

I love Greydon's face in this pic... you can just see him thinking......

On our way back from the urgent care facility I tried to get my sister to at least DRIVE by some sort of body of water... It's killing me that I've been back for a few days now and still haven't even seen a beach... I'm about ready to scream....

She had to get back to the house to get the grill going... so no drive-by lake viewing... Kristen tried to help by pointing out the rivers and marshes we were passing... which was sweet.... but not quite what I was hoping for...

I've developed some opinions that I have absolutely no place to share publicly... which is driving me crazy.... I don't think I can even expound, or allude... arrghh... the agony...

There was just a car alarm going off outside, so I walked around the house trying to find it... it was coming from outside, I went outside... apparently someone attached it to a bird that is living high up in a tree just outside of the yard... Seriously???!!.... how can something so loud and annoying and repetitive just be a bird... crazy.... luckily my mere powerful presence was enough to shut it up... I am sooo intimidating...

Day 2

2009-06-04T22:37:00.006-06:00

View from the window of our guest room

Relaxation, to the extreme...

So this was one of those vacation days where you just enjoy the absence of a schedule or things to do. We got up late, Dad made us a nice little breakfast. We sat out on the deck periodically, played a card game or two. I took my nephew Zach out on the big town of North Muskegon, went to Meijer then grabed some Wendy's.... Yep, by now the day was more than half over....

We went to where my sister's horse is being boarded.... They just bought their new place and haven't put in the pasture yet... He is a retired race horse, he's beautiful,
we watched her work him out... then we grilled some burgers, played cards until late... and now... everyone else has gone to bed.... A very low key relaxing day... It was great, but I'm not the kind of vacationer that only wants relaxing days... the nice thing about being out here for a while is that I don't mind one every now and then... there's plenty of time to play.

Greydon's cough was worse today and he felt crappy.. I'm just being introduced to the wonderful feeling of not being able to fix what is bothering him... not being able to make it better when he is sad for really legitimate reasons really... well it sucks...

I hope he feels better tomorrow....

Day One.. well not counting the flight day

2009-06-03T22:57:00.005-06:00

I presumed that it would be somewhat of a pain to get online very often while we were out of town, but so far that has not been the case.

We brought one of our laptops, the wireless at the hotel the first night was surprisingly easy to log into, as is the wireless at my sister's place, where I am right now... I think that my parent's have dial-up, but I think there is wireless in one of the nearby little towns, my brother said.... So I think I may do a little travel journaling after all instead of waiting to just type two lines at the end of our vacation when we get back.

I think it is interesting how experiences are raised to a new level upon pondering and contemplation... I like to paint little pictures, completely because I love the picture that is forever burned in my brain and the appreciation that I have for the fine details of whatever pretty little scene was pretty enough to sit and try to paint... I can already tell as I sit and think of what I should report on the first day here that there are some similarities between my painting experience and journaling... far too often I think we stumble through life with a slack jaw and a dull stare at the car's tail lights in front of us... I think paying attention enough to our surroundings to be able to talk about them, perhaps on a blog?, can shake us out of our stupor...

So... with no further posturing.... Day one... and a quick mention of day .5 (travel day)

Traveling: We weren't sure how Greydon was going to do on a plane... but he's usually pretty calm so we were not too worried.. but then he got sick. He has a very specific kind of cold with a name that sounds like something more serious.. he has canker cores on the back of his throat and is contagious to little kids right now... so we changed our plans a little and decided to take about a week to get up to northern Michigan instead of driving there straight from flying into Detroit... my brother's girls are little and I didn't want to expose them of course. The doctor saw no reason to wait to fly besides paying attention to who he was going to risk contaminating, but we got a little more worried that we were going to be flying with an infant for the first time that was now feeling less than great..

But Greydon flew so so so great, he barely fussed at all... everyone loved him... of course... He smiled and flirted. He fussed barely once or twice... it was a great flight. We kept all of our bags under 50 lbs, except one. And to avoid the $90!! fee for being over, we rearranged the bags a bit... I felt like we were MOVING to MI trying to carry allof our bags and his stuff all at the same time... We spent the night at a hotel near the airport.

Today we went to the Henry Ford Museum in Dearborn, MI... which is pretty much Detroit now days... It is a huge museum with much more than just old Ford cars... it is around 9 acres big... it was fascinating...

Kristen teaches American History, so of course she was in heaven.

I am making a photobucket slideshow of some of my pictures as I type this.

They have the car that JFK was riding in when he was shot... that was sobering. They had about four or five other presidential limos as well, but to see that actual car made the incident more.... real.

They have a great selection of trains, always fascinating. Right before steam engines were replaced with diesel engines, there was a kind that only a few were made of, or survived... THEY WERE HUGE... it's amazing...

There was a display about civil rights through the Nation's history, they have George Washington's bedroll, the actual chair Abraham Lincoln was sitting in when he was shot, a plaster cast Harriet Beecher Stowe's hand, some slavery artifacts that were amazingly sad, and a million other great things.

My favorite item was the actual bus that Rosa Parks refused to move in.

Years after she stayed seated there was a policeman that bought an old bus from a junkyard and had it in his backyard. The original ID number of the bus had never been painted over. When Ms Parks was arrested the arresting officer included the number of the bus she was riding in his report. Some years after this old bus was in someone's backyard the connection was made. I'm not ashamed to admit that I got a little teary walking onto that bus. I'm so thankful that we have brave people throughout our history who aren't afraid to affect change... I never realized that Rosa Parks wasn't alone. Three to four other people had already gotten up and moved before she refused to do the same... So brave.

There were many great items there, a day well spent.

Then we drove to the other side of the state where my sister Shannon lives.. only one of her two sons is still at home and he's a teenager so not in danger of being infected by Greydon.

She just got a great new 3 yr old house on 5 acres for the same amount we would spend on a shack built on a postage stamp. I'm so jealous.

My nephew Zach has the coolest two story bedroom ever and we are in a guest room that is basically like a tower room with a gorgeous view of the woods surrounding the home.

I am always struck by how pretty it is here when I come back. Just driving down a regular old highway is driving through trees dotted with farms surrounded by flowers. The air always smells refreshing and I could just skip everywhere we go.

We are going to stay here at my sister's for a few days.

Already Greydon is advancing just from being here. Today while we were driving in the car he started playing with two toys, and then.... started banging them together... HAH... perfect... (if this makes no sense, read the last post)

It has already been so great to see my parents, my Sis, her husband and one of my nephews... Kristen has a lot of family out west, but I'm sorry, that's just not the same thing as your own...I have a little family in UT, for which I am truly grateful, but my heart aches to be closer to my immediate family. I wish I knew my nephews a million times better... but already I've figured out that Zach has pretty good taste in music... so that's a god sign.

I'm excited for day 2... well 2.5

He's just not selfish

2009-05-30T08:40:00.002-06:00

We had Kids on the move come over and evaluate Greydon.. basically we were worried because he wasn't bearing weight on his legs yet.

If you know me you know that I'm pretty hard to please, so it's not surprising that one of the people who came over bugged me, but luckily it was just the paperwork girl, not the physical therapist who was working with Greydon. While the therapist was playing with Greydon, figuring out what he was and wasn't doing, the 13 year old paperwork girl was asking a bunch of other questions and, of course filling out her paperwork.... She was just a tad self important, but not enough that I got in her face or anything... Just enough for me to secretly think every now and then "shutupshutupshutupshutup".... so basically, the usual...

After they were done evaluating him they let us know that by now he should be bearing his weight(HELLO, we know, that's why we called you!, were you listening) but I just smiled and nodded... The physical therapist said that often preemies that spent a lot of time in the NICU don't like things tickling their feet. They might be over-sensitive since that's where they draw blood all the time in the NICU, it's also where the monitors were always hooked up... She suggests that we play a lot of feet games with him and showed us some new ways to help practice standing with him that were pretty cool.

Also apparently at this age he should hold onto two toys and bang them together.. but currently if you give him a new toy, he puts down the first one when he takes the other... he's just not greedy or selfish. But we are going to keep encouraging him to take multiple toys.

He scored well on everything else, and really didn't qualify for the program over all, but since the bearing weight thing is a pretty big deal and he was so early they are going to pick him up after all, so they'll work with him and check up on him for the next couple of years.

We also went to the eye doc on Friday to check out the eye that is looking more "lazy" lately. They put drops in, which Greydon didn't love, but Greydon did leave on the cool glasses after... so dang cute.

The eye doc admitted that the biggest challenge with intermittent eye problems, is that of course it doesn't happen when you are actually AT the docs office. The doc said Greydon was showing some preference for one of his eyes, which can lead to the lazy eye thing, but not enough to freak out yet. Basically he said his eyes were in really good shape and for now just keep watching him and see if it gets better or worse. It's possible that he'll develop out of it, or it may get worse and eventually need treatment, but not yet.... maybe when we get him to be greedy enough to play with TWO toys at once he'll need both eyes more... :)

We're taking off for Michigan on Tuesday, we're very excited... It's going to be a great vacation... and I can't wait to take Greydon to my favorite childhood beaches.. so cool.

2009-05-27T15:26:00.001-06:00